Things Melbert says and makes us laugh

As you all noticed, Melbert has an unique sense of humor. I thought we should started a topic about Melbert's comments because they are freaking hilarious!
If there is a comment Mel said and you thought it was awesome, post it here.

There are many, especially this week, but I will start with this one below that cracked me up:

-We will expect video of you shaking George's hand (hell - give him a kiss) and a blow-by-blow full account of the whole experience!!!.

This comment is found on the thread entrapment from party in the kitchen.

Cancun film festival topic:

and it looks as if he's "dressing" to the left now in a couple of the pics. Mighty fine, Mr. Clooney!!!!

Olivia, I've been known to take notice of George's "package", and depending on what he's wearing, you can tell which side a certain appendage hangs. Sorry, I'll get my eyes out of the gutter...

Oh LL, you crack me up!!!!

melbert wrote:Oh LL, you crack me up!!!!

Thalia Balsam Topic:

Oh yes, our own personal jet!! We'll get there faster too so that we can cool down before we "heat up" with George!!!!

Gonna have to think about it there have been so many, I joined the first week katie opened this forum and Melbert was here, being freindly, kind, and funny. I've got all my kids and their friends using Mel's "CRS" phrase.

How about this -

Then, we were discussing something alot more current and I suddenly developed CRS again (Can't Remember Sh*t). I hate when that happens!!!!

Loovee that expression. Hugs Mel

CRS, ha! that's awesome!

General chichat:

I don't defrost, as I'm permanently HOT!!!!!

Thread: What will George look for in his next “lady love”?

.melbert wrote:
Thought I'd respond to Anon's list:

Brunette - mine's salt and brown pepper
hazel or brown eyes - mine are green, but he'll LOVE THEM!!!!
Leggy - I have two!!
Pouty mouth - Yes, I have a POTTY mouth
Body parts on display on the Internet (for easier GF shopping) - all body parts on display on the Internet (just not mine)
Nice smile - I have a very nice smile
Looks good on the red carpet, and doesn't need to be reminded to smile. - I smile on all carpets, living room, bedroom, etc.
Sexually uninhibited and open to different types of sex - Absolutely!!!!!
Claims she doesn't want marriage and/or children - been there, done that!
Gets along w/ or at least puts up w/ the boys - I LOVE the boys!!
Willing to ride on the back of his bike - always!!
Open to swinging w/ Rande and Cindy - front porch swing or back porch swing?
Will only give interviews praising his intelligence and dance skills while looking hot in a dress and/or bikini - I will alway praise his intelligence, humanitarianism, dancing, acting, etc., and in this heat, I will ALWAYS look hot in a dress, bikini, pants, naked, etc.
Smart enough to speak in complete sentences, but doesn't need to be as smart or smarter than him - I, fer shure, can talk in complete sentences, and I can make him believe that he's smarter than me...
Knows it's a short-term, not long-term gig, since he has a short attention span when it comes to women - He won't NEED anyone after me!!
Would sign a NDA and accept hush money @ the end - I would only tell my friends here...
Willing to give up her life/career to be @ his beck and call - in a heartbeat!!!!
Previous occupations can include, but not be limited to- Model/Actress/Presenter/Waitress/whatever - I am a model citizen, can pretend at most things, present myself quite nicely, have been waiting on people my whole life, and whatever...

Pretty much 99.9% of anything that comes out of Melbert's mouth/keyboard makes me laugh.

MyGirlKylie wrote:Pretty much 99.9% of anything that comes out of Melbert's mouth/keyboard makes me laugh.

True! I always wait for Melbert's comments,a s a good apprentice that I am trying to be, .

But we have to choose the best of the best, difficult task!

MyGirlKylie wrote:Pretty much 99.9% of anything that comes out of Melbert's mouth/keyboard makes me laugh.

I agree with you MGK. I usually make sure I visit the john before entering COH. Mel is hilarious.

I still like CRS (can't remember shit). Melbert is the best. I miss chatting with her during the day while she's at work and I'm home being lazy.

Yes, definitely go to the bathroom before logging on. And don't take any drinks while reading comments or you'll need a new screen. lol

I suffer from CRS too. Why can I remember the words to a song from 20 yrs ago but can't remember why I walked into the kitchen?

If you find the answer let me know.

Since I am new to COH can you tell me something about Melbert's background? How does she know these things about G or is she just guessing? I would also appreciate learning about the rest of you since some of the gossip sites (not that I spend much of my extremely valuable time reading them but there are some very funny comments about G there also) have some very "interesting facts" about the identities of those on COH.

Hi Davida

This is a fan site created by a fan (me) for other fans.

If you're a fan of someone for a long time, you'll get to learn lots of information about them. George is very open in his interviews and if you look in the archived interviews here on this site you'll see lots of his older interviews.

thanks
but I would prefer from his own voice

can you blame me?

Who are you talking to It's Me?

No one has to give any kind of personal information here on this forum. If Melbert wants to answer she can but I am very suspicious of why Davida is coming on here demanding to know more about people posting here.

Perhaps Davida would like to identify herself first? There's a welcome thread right here: http://www.clooneysopenhouse.com/t35p200-hello-check-in

I am interested in knowing where you read anything about anybodies true identity over here on COH. Most of us are only known by our nicknames and where we are from other then that people give out little tidbits here and there but nothing to keep a dossier over. Not sure why you even want to know anything about anyone here except for George it is a forum for him afterall. Normally a newbie posts and reads other people's post that is the best way to find out about people. I'm not sure why you need to know anything else about anyone!

I think she's referring to the loonies on IMDb who've now taken over at Celebitchy and JustJared.

Apparently I'm New Kid but also Stan Rosenfield. Cindigirl is Kirstie Alley who is also directing George Clooney's PR campaign.

Sorry Dex, I don't think you have another identity but you can always double up as a paid minion or hired pr correspondent if you like.

Is that what you mean Davida?

Katiedot wrote:Cindigirl is Kirstie Alley who is also directing George Clooney's PR campaign.

Hahaha I would have to gain about 100 pounds to be in Kirsty's league. Also, nutso said Kirsty is "elderly." Apparently anyone over 30 or so years is "elderly."

Still waiting for my damn paycheck for being a Clooney correspondent. C'mon George, don't be so cheap.

I thought it was Cinderella that was Kristie Alley. And @Stan changed my name to PattyCake. Does that make George my Bakers Man?
Cindi, would you take it in trade? I sure would. Can I get paid by the post? Ah me, I can dream, can't I?

ROFL patty - And, no, no trade. I'm a mercenary. Want my money honey. LOL

I'll get by (just barely) on my pension so I'll take the trade. It's been a very long dry spell.

This post is supposed to be about Melbert. Poor thing, she's probably at work and missing out on the fun!

She'll catch up. Besides, this helps stimulate davida's curiousity, doesn't it. She so wants to know all about us.

Apparently she just doesn't understand "chat room" etiquette. We're like G, we tell only what we want people to know. Actually, I'm a 24 year old Victoria Secret model. If anyone believes that then I have a bridge in Arizona to sell them. LOL

Katiedot I'm confused...I thought I was New Kid...who am I if you are New Kid....oh am I Spartacus?

Maybe somebody can give us a list of who we are in another time and space. Getting so, we'll be needing a scorecard and a map.

katie? I was talking @ no old interviews
but G own voice

dreaming.... no?

Yes I originally thought you were all just random fans until I started reading the other forums, claiming to know who you really were, and didn't know what to believe. Why are they making such accusations? I just thought a few of you knew an awful lot about G, some of which appeared to be his very personal tastes, and wondered if you were just guessing or had knowledge otherwise. I didn't know that most of you value being anonymous. I am by nature very curious and brand new to having my own laptop, providing me with a wealth of entertaining information. I also wish I had your sources for the great jokes and sayings posted, as I have really been able to amuse my friends. They say thanks also.

wow

Davida, we are all just random fans, no matter what other forum posters say. There is no way that they could know who we are, because we don't give that much of ourselves out.
Yes, we do know a lot about George, but all the stuff we know is actually public knowledge if you take the time to read up on it. There are more than a few biographies about George in the bookstores and they have all these tidbits about him, his eary years, his girlfriends, friends, pranks, career and philosophies.
Our sources for the great jokes and sayings are our own funny friends who send us emails which send to our friends, in return. We also copy them to our "little sewing circle" of friends here at COH. Tell your friends I said that they are welcome. With your new laptop, you can find out just about everything available about George if you look hard enough.

cindigirl wrote:Apparently she just doesn't understand "chat room" etiquette. We're like G, we tell only what we want people to know.LOL

Don't feel bad davida - you didn't understad the chat room concept. We have a lot of fun here, mainly because our true identities aren't known. So we just go off on each other and generally just have fun without it biting us back.

Katiedot wrote:Sorry Dex, I don't think you have another identity but you can always double up as a paid minion or hired pr correspondent if you like.

Hey, I don't have an alter ego...or do I? Probably not since I don't visit those other sites.

Can I get in on the action too? I don't want to work for Stan though. I just want to work directly under George. Or on top of him or...well you get the idea.

Lmao @ Cindigirl being Kirstie Alley. Like anyone would admit to that...

Oh hey, since we're talking about how no one really knows the real us, if anyone asks, I'm thin, rich and 29. Ok?

And I'm G's "the one". You know that secret someone that he has been hiding while dating all the others.

Oh, blu, how can you stand it when he's "in bed" with all those others while he's hiding you? You are so tolerant. Hope that he finally forgets about the others, and finally just beds you for keeps.

Maybe I can be one of the boys......ummm Ben looks nice I will be him and he knows lots of secrets! I couldn't be Waldo I am pretty crap with scissors. I think Katie is supposed to be New Kid gee she gets around, and Cindi being Kristie is a surprise besides eating in the same place as George not sure she has too much to do with him. Kristie seems to eat most places she would know a lot of people. I think Katie is supposed to be Stan too maybe we should rename you Sybil with all these extra personalities Katie? I'm thinking Davida has hung out a little too long over at IMDB because everyone knows it's a bucket full of crazy over there. But then who is Davida?

I'll be Gio, so I can guard his body. I would be fully aware of what's happening with his body at all times, just like a good bodyguard should.

And I certainly wouldn't let anyone get near him.

Ah, another mystery to be solved, who is Davida? How about Grant, instead of Ben. He spends an awful lot of time with George. Ben isn't there all the time. He is a lawyer and must have a practice.

MGK, Gio isn't usually there while he's in US. This seems to be the exception. So, you wouldn't be able to be there all the time. Me personally , to be that woman in the background would be the best position. To always be there, to enjoy his conversation, jokes, pranks, be a background part of his life would be it for me.

Ben is the first assistant director on Cougar Town not a lawyer! Yes, Davida we are in fact quite private about ourselves. George however is a free for all. Some of us have been around many years and you pick information etc. Everyone can remember something and we find out new things all the time. It is unusual for a newbie to come in and be that curious part of being on the internet is to be anonymous and many of us enjoy that aspect. Just stick around and read everyone's posts if you want to get to know us. The real world stuff is not important to any of us and shouldn't really be a bother for you. I think as you play around on your computer you will find this is the case most places. Sometimes if people are a little to free to tell you about themselves they are probably lying and playing games. We respect each others views and privacy and someone asking about true identities can be unsettling! Your welcome here the longer you hang around the more you will get to know us.

Well said. Dex. My bad about Ben, thought I read somewhere that he was a lawyer, but now that you said it, I remember he's in show biz, too. You know that CRS really kicks in sometimes.

It was a fun night, watching DWTS, now off to bed.

Well, well, well... I finally get here and everyone has answered for me!!! Thanks to you all!!! Davida, I truly am no one special. I have been following George and his antics for a very long time. I do work during the day and there are times when I can't get to Open House and it truly bums me out. I put in my 2 cents here and there and share my opinions and thoughts like everyone here. There is a great group of people here and based on their posts, many I would like to know in real life. But, I do respect their privacy and I would never cross that line. I'm not upset you asked your questions, in fact a little flattered, as in my real life no one really gives a shit about me. No, I'm not asking for the head table at the pity party, just stating facts. That is the other reason I enjoy coming here - the interaction with everybody.