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A working mom’s open letter to Gwyneth

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A working mom’s open letter to Gwyneth

Post by party animal - not! on Sun Mar 30 2014, 02:29

Very loose connection to thread but vis-a-vis His Nibs' comments re Gwyneth this gave me a giggle

http://nypost.com/2014/03/27/a-working-moms-open-letter-to-gwyneth-paltrow/


Dear Gwyneth,


I really enjoyed your recent comments to E! about how easy an office job is for parents, compared to the grueling circumstances of being on a movie set. “I think it’s different when you have an office job, because it’s routine and, you know, you can do all the stuff in the morning and then you come home in the evening,” you said. “When you’re shooting a movie, they’re like, ‘We need you to go to Wisconsin for two weeks,’ and then you work 14 hours a day, and that part of it is very difficult. I think to have a regular job and be a mom is not as, of course there are challenges, but it’s not like being on set.”


As a mother of a toddler, I couldn’t agree more!


“Thank God I don’t make millions filming one movie per year” is what I say to myself pretty much every morning as I wait on a windy Metro-North platform, about to begin my 45-minute commute into the city. Whenever things get rough, all I have to do is keep reminding myself of that fact. It is my mantra.


And I know all my fellow working-mom friends feel the same. Am I right, ladies?


We’re always gabbing about how easy it is to balance work and home life. Whenever I meet with them at one of our weekly get-togethers — a breeze to schedule, because reliable baby sitters often roam my neighborhood in packs, holding up signs peddling their services — we have a competition to see who has it easier. Is it the female breadwinners who work around the clock to make sure their mortgages get paid, lying awake at night, wracked with anxiety over the idea of losing their jobs? Or is it the mothers who get mommy-tracked and denied promotions? What about the moms with “regular” 9-to-5 jobs, who are penalized when their kids are sick and they don’t have backup child care?


Those women are living the dream, I tell you!


Which reminds me, child care. As you know, Gwynnie, having a staff can be a real drag. It’s so hard to find good help these days! That’s why it’s a good thing there’s all this nationally subsidized, high-quality day care lying around for the taking. It just makes things easier knowing you have such a strong support network and don’t have to pay someone anywhere from $30K to $65K annually to take care of your child full-time.


You mentioned in your E! interview that when someone has an office job, “You know you can do all the stuff in the morning,” and that hit the nail on the head. As someone with an office job, my mornings are obviously pretty leisurely. Sometimes I even have time to drink half of my coffee before it gets cold! After my 6 a.m. wake-up, I have a lot of time to loll around, hopping in the shower and then throwing makeup on my face, hoping that I’ll have enough time to put my tights on before my son starts crying in his crib. Then, when he does start crying, I have to make the decision: Do I get fully dressed, or do I go tend to him with my hair still dripping wet? Talk about being spoilt for choice!


Then I have a few Bellinis and adjust my 401(k) contributions.


After I get home from work, I’m full of energy and ready to cook dinner using one of the recipes you post on your lifestyle Web site, Goop: slow-cooked kale, pancetta and bread crumbs, anyone? After that, I’ll go to yoga, spend a few hours meditating and maybe do some online shopping, picking up a pair of $350 white leopard-printed short-shorts via Goop in preparation for the “spring break” I’ll take with my husband and son.


If there’s one thing I look good in after having a child, it’s short-shorts.


So, Gwyneth, you’ve figured out the secret of working parents everywhere: Livin’ la vida desk job is a breeze compared to the 14-hour days of a film set. Fourteen hours? Who in New York — especially those in the finance, law and tech professions — could possibly work 14 whole hours?


Luckily, those 9-to-5 “ordinary job” hours grow on trees here.


And if you lose one, all you have to do is find another.


Yours,

Mackenzie



Last edited by LornaDoone on Sun Mar 30 2014, 14:36; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : Added text - Added Paragraph Breaks & Quote)

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A working mom’s open letter to Gwyneth

Post by it's me on Sun Mar 30 2014, 09:59

brava Mackenzie!!!

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Re: A working mom’s open letter to Gwyneth

Post by Nicky80 on Sun Mar 30 2014, 13:13

Thanks PAN, I moved your post here.

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Re: A working mom’s open letter to Gwyneth

Post by Carla97 on Sun Mar 30 2014, 17:08

I´m not sure I understand what this is about.

If you are an actress working 14 h/day or miss nobody working 8 hours/day. In both cases someone else is spending important time and looking after your child.

In both cases you are missing most of the things they do first time and you get to hear about it later if ever.

In both cases you are the mom, your child do not recognize as someone to seek comfort when something happens, they ran for their care taker.

Expensive child care doesn´t correlate being good. For the most parts I think those 9-5 moms and actresses are on a same boat. Always the guilt feeling when you are away from your kids. I´m making this movie, I´m making this project, I´m making money bla bla...

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Re: A working mom’s open letter to Gwyneth

Post by Way2Old4Dis on Sun Mar 30 2014, 17:32

"What this is about" is that Gwyneth Paltrow essentially said that her work as an actress is harder/more difficult/stressful than that of a working mother who puts in a full day on a job. Gwyneth Paltrow, who can elect to work or not, and still live a wealthy lifestyle and not worry about where her next kale smoothie is coming from, compares herself favorably to women who have to work because otherwise their kids couldn't eat.

That's "what this is about."

As for women being away from their children... Most women do it because they don't have a choice. For many of them, working shapes their lives beyond being defined as "mother." Working does not render a woman unrecognizable to her children. That is one of the most damning and insulting comments I've ever heard. Children do not transfer their love for a parent to a caregiver because the family is separated for several hours during the day. If that were true, teachers would be the parental figure of every school-age child. Your hyperbole is ridiculous.

Listen, if a family is fortunate enough that a mother can stay home, that's great. They're blessed beyond words. If there's a family member, like a grandmother, who can serve the role of caregiver if mom has to work, the family is still very fortunate. Anyone who can provide loving and nurturing care to kids when mom is working is a good thing. But not everyone has that. Most don't have that. But moms still have to provide for their families. The last thing they need is a finger wagging in their faces about how they're not doing right by their kids, or to be criticized by a born-to-money, electively working actress who thinks 2 weeks on a movie set with a team of beautification experts and contractually compensated, catered, made-to-order meals is hard work.

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Re: A working mom’s open letter to Gwyneth

Post by Carla97 on Sun Mar 30 2014, 18:04

Thank you for clarification way2old4dis.

What I wrote is not, however, hyperbole, but very reality I happen to live in. And yes, teachers are almost "heroes" to the kids. Absolutely, "my teacher said this and my teacher ask me to do that…" Teachers are the kings.

But with younger ones, kids rely on to those they spend the most waking hours with, I´m talking about todlers who do not understand where their parents work or what they do for living. Or why they are away. They just need someone.

I didn´t say that ideal is for women to stay at home. What I didn´t understand what is such a big diffrence between regular 9-5 absent hours compared to irregular 14 hours. For a child it doesn´t make a difference if a parent has to work or wants to work. They are gone during the days in both cases.

Maybe she made a mistake commenting on a topic like this, because… well as we see… women can´t do it right, no matter what or how they do it, it´s always wrong  Laughing 




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Re: A working mom’s open letter to Gwyneth

Post by Way2Old4Dis on Sun Mar 30 2014, 20:18

Yeah...

Here's my point:

[.]

And here you are:

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Way over here.

Yes, teachers (a lot of them) are "heroes," in the popular usage of the word. But so are moms. Single moms, more so.

And just what do you think is going on in the teachers' families while they're being "heroes" to other mothers' kids? 'Cause, you know, hero work is still work, and it takes them away from home and their own children. Are they heroes for 8 hours a day, and negligent parents the remaining sixteen?

Let's agree to disagree. This is not a subject about which you could ever bring me around to your point of view, and I suspect the same is true for you.

Hope you're enjoying your day.

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Re: A working mom’s open letter to Gwyneth

Post by theminis on Mon Mar 31 2014, 00:22

Well Ive done both - stay at home Mum for over 8 years now but worked for a 9 month period when I had a then 3 year old and 18 month old - and though I was planning to go back to work last year, in the end I decided to put that off for another year so that my youngest can attend kindergarten rather than child care. It hasn't always been easy with one income, though we were pretty well set up prior to commencing a family, it still comes with sacrifice. I take my hat off to working mums, been there so know its not easy to miss your babies, juggling work/home responsibilities, the guilt is horrible and makes you question everything. I have a husband who works ridiculous hours at times because he feels the pressure of being the only breadwinner, but we have done the figures and decided now that until the youngest starts school, paying $600.00 a week in childcare and before/after school care fees defeats the purpose of me returning to work, if I were to return purely for financial reasons. Do I think Im lucky that Ive had nearly 8 years with them, you bet I do and I never ever forget it either, for me personally there is no job that fantastic/money that ridiculous that can compete with them (unless there is an opening for George's PA, then maybe my scruples will go flying out the window) .

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Re: A working mom’s open letter to Gwyneth

Post by party animal - not! on Mon Mar 31 2014, 00:39

There's no 'maybe' about it, Carla. That letter made a mockery of Paltrow and her statement, and I'm not surpirised.

I thought her remarks were thoughtless, self-pitying and narcisstic. And the response managed to be witty, angry and really well written - and very funny

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Re: A working mom’s open letter to Gwyneth

Post by melbert on Mon Mar 31 2014, 02:04

And I also don't think that Ms. Goop approached the subject that she's probably got a ton of staff too. Cooks, cleaners, mannies or nannies, drivers, etc. Mackenzie touched on it. Yeah, I think this was a great response!

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Re: A working mom’s open letter to Gwyneth

Post by theminis on Mon Mar 31 2014, 13:41

Okay this is an example of how my mornings go sometimes.  Get up at 6.45am and look forward to a blissful peaceful cup of coffee - damn it to Betsy one kid is already up watching TV way too loud (note I have never had a blissful cup of coffee in the morning. I did get up at 6.00am once but hubby was still home and insisted on talking about something inane, who talks at 6.00am, my mouth hasn't even woken up yet??? .  

Anyway, gulp my coffee, make a mental note to jump in the shower soon, then try for the 3rd time to wake up 2 kids, resort to pulling the blankets off them and finally and very loudly they get up to greet me with sunshine and kisses (dreaming).   Sort their breakfast requests out (yes I seem to run some sort of al la carte restaurant) when Master 4 decides he wants  chocolate for breakfast?? yeah that didn't happen.  

Whilst ignoring the ensuing tantram and my daughter running around the house trying to find her shoes, I manage to make 3 lunches, do the breakfast dishes, find the missing shoes, redress Master 4 in clothes more suited to kinder where he wont get beat up for wearing his sisters tutu, frisk my eldest son as Í know hés trying to bring his Nintendo to school again.   Not bad for a mornings work, time to have a shower, nope time ran out, in the car we go, get to Kinder and when Master 4 steps out I realise he is wearing his sisters bright prink ballet shoes!  Yep my mornings occasionally are very much like that, so to any Mums out there who have mornings like this then manage to drag themselves into an office for the day, good on you....

ps there are days where they all wake up on time, eat what they are told to, get dressed, find shoes, do their hair, brush their teeth, I have showered and we all leave the house looking like the Brady Bunch (rare) but it has happened.
And also Im not complaining, it is my reality at times and I wouldn't have it any other way, except be better organised!!!

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Re: A working mom’s open letter to Gwyneth

Post by LornaDoone on Mon Mar 31 2014, 13:47

Ah theminis you not only crack me up you routinely remind me that as much as I find your kids to be enjoyable, I'm glad I never had any!

I know, I know, they are the light of your world and you wouldn't give them up for anything, but the reality of your life reminds me that I would not have been able to do it and am glad I never subjected any children to MY parenting skills (or should I say - lack there of)!

So I seriously do believe George when he says he doesn't want children. And frankly, I "get it"!

:-)

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Re: A working mom’s open letter to Gwyneth

Post by theminis on Mon Mar 31 2014, 14:06

Nah you could easily do it, the one difference between you and I is that I always knew this was what I wanted, that's all. And when they test the limits of my patience first thing in the morning, they always make up for it by running to me excited at the end of the school day eager to give me all their news, and that's the fun part..


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Re: A working mom’s open letter to Gwyneth

Post by Katiedot on Tue Apr 01 2014, 03:50

I think motherhood is one of those things where you think you could never do it until you have to do it and then you find you can. Because what other choice do you have?

I hope that came out right. It's meant to be complimentary.

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Re: A working mom’s open letter to Gwyneth

Post by Nicky80 on Tue Apr 01 2014, 08:06

Yes I got it  Thumbs up!

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Re: A working mom’s open letter to Gwyneth

Post by Carla97 on Tue Apr 01 2014, 10:43

Yes exactly that!  Thumbs up! 

Well, obviously she didn´t realize what kind of swamp she stepped into when commenting on the challenges of parenting.

However, from this article I thought she is just a mom wishing her job would allow her to spend more time (even irregularly) with her children. And I got a feeling the writer was after a meaning that isn't there. But wrote about it anyhow.

My impression was (but I don´t know what else she has said) she was just saying that it's hard to be away from your kids for longer periods. Working +14 hour days far away from your children. In 9to5 job, you can still see your kids a couple of times a day.

I can relate to this so far, as I would not want the work that includes travelling. Reason is exactly what she stated. I love my morning routines at home. Not so much my work, but at least I can go home when I need to/ workday ends and see my kid. And surprise, work from home office!  cheers 

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Re: A working mom’s open letter to Gwyneth

Post by Missa on Thu Apr 03 2014, 03:55

Carla97 wrote:Yes exactly that!  Thumbs up! 

Well, obviously she didn´t realize what kind of swamp she stepped into when commenting on the challenges of parenting.

However, from this article I thought she is just a mom wishing her job would allow her to spend more time (even irregularly) with her children. And I got a feeling the writer was after a meaning that isn't there. But wrote about it anyhow.  

My impression was (but I don´t know what else she has said) she was just saying that it's hard to be away from your kids for longer periods. Working +14 hour days far away from your children. In 9to5 job, you can still see your kids a couple of times a day.

I can relate to this so far, as I would not want the work that includes travelling. Reason is exactly what she stated. I love my morning routines at home. Not so much my work, but at least I can go home when I need to/ workday ends and see my kid. And surprise, work from home office!  cheers 

Here's where the problem is:  Gwyneth can choose not to work, and all her problems would be solved.  She's not working to pay the rent, or to put food on her kids' plates or a roof over their heads.  Gwyneth Paltrow has enough money that she never has to work again, if she doesn't want to.  She CHOOSES to be away from her children, 14 hours a day for two weeks.  And let's put that into perspective.  Two weeks in Wisconsin leaves 50 weeks a year when she's at her children's beck and call, at all the soccer games and dance recitals and school plays that the 9-5ers rarely make it to.  Those lucky office job mommies also don't have the ability to insist that their children accompany them to work, or the means to pay for a private tutor so that the kids can tag along without missing school, which Gywneth is capable of.  Look at Brad and Angie - those kids are always by their parents' sides.  Sandra Bullock refused to do Gravity unless Louis was able to join her on set and have a good experience there. They have figured out how to do the work they love and still be with their children.

All this is to say that Gwyneth clearly enjoys working, otherwise she wouldn't do it.  So the right response is "I love what I do, it's important to me.  It's a drag when I have to miss time with my kids, but I'M WORKING BECAUSE I WANT TO NOT BECAUSE I NEED TO, so I'm much luckier than most."

PS - See, George?  Celebrities don't have to be on Twitter to make fools of themselves.  Dum-dums will always out themselves, one way or another. Laughing

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Re: A working mom’s open letter to Gwyneth

Post by theminis on Thu Apr 03 2014, 05:59

Very true Missa, she is lucky she has the choice.

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Re: A working mom’s open letter to Gwyneth

Post by Lighterside on Thu Apr 03 2014, 11:53

Great post Missa!   I keep waiting for the day when dear Gwennie stops putting both feet in her mouth at the same time.  For someone who has had every advantage in life, she certainly has shown no self examination or critical thinking, much less any empathy or compassion for the plight of others around her, who are less fortunate.  I think it takes real work to be the "most hated" and "clueless" celebrity in America and she's had that honor and distinction, for quite some time.  She must like starting controversy unnecessarily and saying/doing stupid things to hang on to that title!

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Re: A working mom’s open letter to Gwyneth

Post by Carla97 on Fri Apr 04 2014, 08:11

Good solid point Missa, she doesn´t have to work. So why to complain? Let alone compare.

Next she´ll prob say something about how hard it is for her as a single working mother to start a new relationship compared to her ex-husband. For men it is so much easier to move on. For him to do so people will understand and not criticise but for her.... let´s wait and see LOL.


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Re: A working mom’s open letter to Gwyneth

Post by Lighterside on Fri Apr 04 2014, 12:40

Well, my personal heroine is one of my sisters, who raised 3 children as a single working mom; who worked full time and still found time (every waking minute left) to concentrate on her children and make all of their little league games and dance recitals etc. She spent 24/7 working and rearing her children and their needs came first always. I'd put her work ethic not to mention mothering skills, against dear whiney privileged Gwyneth and her army of nannies, any day of the week!

Gwyneth needs to go sit in a corner and do some serious soul searching and self examination and then have a good hard look at the rest of the world around her and the struggles normal people have every single day of the week...she may learn something!

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Re: A working mom’s open letter to Gwyneth

Post by Joanna on Fri Apr 04 2014, 13:00

Theminis....who's Master 4 ?
I thought you had 3 Little Munchkins ?  confused 

Only tip I can offer....prepare the packed lunches the evening before and keep in fridge overnight. Oh and maybe lay the breakfast table out at the same time ?

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Re: A working mom’s open letter to Gwyneth

Post by theminis on Fri Apr 04 2014, 23:21

Master 4 is my third child, I call him Master 4 as he's 4 years old.
I never pack their lunches the night before as Id never eat a sandwich I made the day before, so neither do my kiddies.

As for Gwyneth, Im sure there are times she looks around and realises her good fortune, but I really think she should walk around with a rubber band on her wrist and snap it every time she wants to open her mouth, she is not really doing herself any favours lately.

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Re: A working mom’s open letter to Gwyneth

Post by What Would He Say on Fri Apr 04 2014, 23:25



@Theminis, thank you! the rubber band idea I can use for so much.... great idea.

I can be one ungrateful turd at times.

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Re: A working mom’s open letter to Gwyneth

Post by amaretti on Sat Apr 05 2014, 00:20

He he he heeeee

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Re: A working mom’s open letter to Gwyneth

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