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Why I hate George Clooney

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Why I hate George Clooney

Post by Katiedot on Wed Jul 11 2012, 10:25

Foun this today. Wouldn't normally post it, but it's a slow news day:

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Why I Hate George Clooney

Posted by Paul Marshall On March 28th, 2012

I can’t stand George Clooney. I haven’t met him personally mind you, there is just something about him that makes me want to repeatedly punch myself in the face. It’s like every time he opens his mouth he has the propensity to say something that is both intelligent and charismatic. It serves as a reminder to me that no matter how hard I try, I will never really be that good.

My first gripe with him is he is an incredibly talented writer. This shits me. Not only is he an Academy Award nominated actor and director, but writer now too? Pick one and stop making the rest of us look bad you prick. I wish I could write something half as good as The Ides of March or Good Night, and Good Luck. I tried to write something like The Ides of March but it turned out more like Snakes on a Plane, set in the Whitehouse with Samuel L Jackson as a gun toting President.

My awesome imagination aside, George Clooney really is a bastard. When he went grey, he somehow managed to become far more attractive. Who does that? Like George (because we’re on a first name basis now), I have the genetic disposition to go grey early. My dad went grey early, and ended up identical to Steve Martin. So much so when he travelled around Europe he actually pretend to be Steve Martin, doing all sorts of horrible stuff that Steve would probably get the blame for. So, on behalf of my father, I’d like to apologise to you Steve Martin.

The point I am trying to make is that when George Clooney went grey, he looked like this –

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When I go grey, I am probably going to look like this –

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It isn’t fair, and it makes me dislike George even more. I’ve even started wasting money on horribly overpriced male beauty products designed to turn myself into a sexy older man. They’re not working. I’m neither sexy nor am I an old man. Someone in the marketing department messed up on these ones.

George also happens to be a humanitarian. He is outspoken against president Omar Al-Basheer of Sudan (a really bad guy), has provided a huge amount of awareness and humanitarian support for the region, was a key contributor to the Haiti earthquake relief effort and is a principle figure behind Not On Our Watch. What a dick.

Even if I donated every last cent of my savings to Medecins Sans Frontieres, flew to Africa and worked as a relief worker for the rest of my life I still wouldn’t have done as much for charitable causes as he has. How is that meant to make me feel? Do I just have to accept that no matter what I do George will have already done it multiplied by a million?

My only consolation in all of this is that when George was my age he probably felt the same way about Paul Newman. After speaking to a consortium of fellow young people in my office, all of whom had no idea who Paul Newman was, I proceeded to go on a tirade for a good hour and a half. So for anyone else who doesn’t know who Paul Newman is, here is the summary of this tirade and the man who George envied.


This handsome man, you know the one on the salad dressing bottles? The most important thing to know about this man is he is one of, if not the most talented actor of all time. His performances in Cool Hand Luke, The Hustler and Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid to this day are still up there as some of the best I’ve witnessed.

He is also a co-founder of Newman’s Own, the food company with 100% of proceeds going to charity. He founded it with Aaron Edward Hotchner, another amazing guy, and an incredible writer. In 2011 Newman’s Own had donated over 300 million to various charitable organisations. That tells you two things. First, Paul Newman is an awesome guy. Secondly, he makes a damn fine salad dressing/pasta sauce/popcorn amongst other things.

Even as I write this I immediately start to feel better. Knowing that George Clooney was just like me once (probably more handsome) and couldn’t stand the sight of Paul Newman for all the inadequacies he highlighted. One day there might be some kid out there looking up at an older Paul Marshall feeling the same thing.

Let’s face it, that last bit probably isn’t going to happen. I’ll be the guy on the street that parents point out and say ‘if you don’t do your homework, you’ll end up like him’. That’ll scare ‘em straight.

On a final note I’ll leave you with the number one reason why I hate George Clooney – he is currently dating my childhood crush. Everything else I could put up with, but that was the final straw. Quite frankly I don’t know what she sees in him…

Written by Paul Marshall

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Re: Why I hate George Clooney

Post by Seth Gecko on Wed Jul 11 2012, 11:39

No jealousy at all in that article then.....

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Re: Why I hate George Clooney

Post by it's me on Wed Jul 11 2012, 13:03

a strange way to put together so many compliments!

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Re: Why I hate George Clooney

Post by melbert on Thu Jul 12 2012, 01:42

That guy cracked me up!

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Re: Why I hate George Clooney

Post by davidarochelle on Thu Jul 12 2012, 02:39

He could have added that G is the "go-to" man to host televised charity fundraisers to combat disasters. Been told that putting them together, such as negotiating with all the different performing talent, is one of the hardest things G has ever done.

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Re: Why I hate George Clooney

Post by Katiedot on Thu Jul 12 2012, 04:40

Yeah, compared to that, wading through human misery in Darfur was a picnic!

/sarcasm

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Re: Why I hate George Clooney

Post by davidarochelle on Thu Jul 12 2012, 05:01

Katiedot,
I'm just repeating what G's assistant told me. There is a reason why absolutely no one else wanted the EXTREME AGGRAVATION, causing severe health issues for G, in putting together those shows, and dealing with the talent, agents, and managers. Don't forget the time frame allotted was extremely limited. Many times ABSOLUTELY NO ONE INVOLVED believed that any of those shows would actually be a go. Imagine having to take responsibility that the aid to and awareness of Katrina, Haiti, and breast cancer research rested on YOUR shoulders???

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Re: Why I hate George Clooney

Post by Katiedot on Thu Jul 12 2012, 05:17

Davida, you've said yourself that you're gullible and can't tell when people are joking with you. I think most of what George's "assistant" told you is a load of codswallop.

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Re: Why I hate George Clooney

Post by davidarochelle on Thu Jul 12 2012, 06:09

Katiedot,
Once again I really disagree with you. After all you weren't there.

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Re: Why I hate George Clooney

Post by Katiedot on Thu Jul 12 2012, 10:50

That's ok, we can agree to disagree. I can only base my opinion on what you write which in many ways is so far from what we know about George as to be clearly incorrect. For a start, you don't have the sex of George's assistant right.

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Re: Why I hate George Clooney

Post by davidarochelle on Thu Jul 12 2012, 16:29

Katiedot,
And how many assistants do you think G has? After all he lives in an 8-bedroom house in LA. When he travels he must leave an assistant there to supervise the household operations, and to handle personal business. I was talking to his on-set assistant and driver. Usually stars by contract are not allowed to drive when working. Waldo was there also; I was introduced. And usually even minor stars have more than one full-time assistant. Sorry you don't believe me. I have revealed a few more details in PM; I don't feel comfortable NOW knowing more about G from being on COH of saying more publicly.

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Re: Why I hate George Clooney

Post by Katiedot on Thu Jul 12 2012, 17:24

George has one assistant, who in turn has assistants. She used to stay in his house when he travelled but I don't know if that's still the case. Until some years ago - and again I don't know if that's changed - he didn't have a housekeeper or any staff who live in.

If you're talking to his driver or someone hired by the film production company, then neither of them are his assistants and wouldn't know that much about him.

Anyone who truly did work directly for George doesn't sit and chat for hours to a complete stranger and spill all of George's intimate secrets.

I'm sorry Davida, I really think someone was having a little fun at your expense. I think when you mentioned you'd been told he wore silk boxer shorts (and was it satin bedsheets or am I mis-remembering?) that it became clear that you'd been misinformed.

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Re: Why I hate George Clooney

Post by davidarochelle on Thu Jul 12 2012, 18:45

Katiedot,
Don't you know that ALL LEADS have an on-set assistant? Many times, but not all, they are listed in the film credits. Once you get to G's level, it makes sense that he would ALWAYS want the same assistant . Especially if the man was proficient at driving and security and handling fans and more important, was clearly observant and aware of what G always wanted.

I never said that I was told "all of G's intimate secrets." But I now realize that no matter WHAT I tell you, I will not be believed. My original purpose was only to clarify misinformation. LOL that G doesn't have live-in household staff, although probably less than the average superstar. Way too much work for one person.

I've been extensively interviewed on many sets, and asked very, very personal questions, like on "The Sopranos." Sometimes there is a future film role in question. Always it's because the director sent an assistant over. Yes in the course of conversation, to make it not seem so one-sided, very intimate details about the star or production are revealed. And as I said before, both on "The Sopranos" and on "UITA," that it was clear that they already knew who I was and of my work in Hollywood. And of course I always was stunned at the extent of their knowledge. My purpose was always to ask for as much career guidance as possible.

I'm sure that it's common knowledge that silk boxers feel and look luxurious, so many men wear them if they can afford it. Not too personal for someone to reveal. The assistant did say that a different style and make of bra would be more flattering to me. I sincerely appreciated the information but was obviously a little embarrassed by the subject matter. Worse when he knew my Hollywood nickname was "doorknobs." Maybe that's why he brought up the subject of "silk boxers" and yes it could have been a tease, as well as to make me feel less self- conscious. And again I fall into the trap of revealing way TMI to try and prove my point.

I'm beginning to feel like when I try to explain basic concepts of how Hollywood works; "wasted breath."

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Re: Why I hate George Clooney

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