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JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

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JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Joanna on Mon May 07 2012, 12:45

I thought it would be a good idea to have all our jokes
and funny videos in one place.
Then when we need a humour fix on a bad day,
or a particular joke for an occasion,
we'd know where to look.

Yahooooo

Joanna
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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Joanna on Mon May 07 2012, 12:51

Screwing up a Business

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar
and asks for a beer.

"Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent."

"ONE CENT!" exclaimed the guy, the barman replied "Yes."

So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks
"Could I have a nice juicy T-Bone steak, with chips,
peas, and a fried egg?"

"Certainly sir,"replies the bartender,
"but all that comes to real money."

"How much money?" inquires the guy.

"4 cents", he replies.

"FOUR cents!" exclaims the guy.
"Where's the Guy who owns this place?"

The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife."

The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?"

The bartender replies,
"Same as what I'm doing to his business."

Joanna
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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Joanna on Mon May 07 2012, 13:00

IRISH FIGHT

Into a belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy looking like
he'd just been run over by a train.
His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken,
his face is cut and bruised and he is walking with a limp.

"What happend to you? asks Sean the bartender.

"Jamie O Conner and me had a fight." says Paddy.

"That little sh*t, O Conner " says Sean
"He couldnt do that to you,
he must of had something in his hand."

"That he did." says Paddy ''a shovel is what he had,
and a terrible licken he gave me with it"

"Well'' says Sean, "you should have defended yourself,
didn't you have something in your hand?"

''That I did'' said Paddy...
"Mrs. O Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty it was,
but useless in a fight."

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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Joanna on Mon May 07 2012, 13:57

Ashleigh & Pudsey,
Britain's Got Talent
AUDITION




Last edited by Joanna on Mon May 07 2012, 14:00; edited 1 time in total

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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Joanna on Mon May 07 2012, 13:59

Ashleigh & Pudsey
Britain's Got Talent
SEMI FINAL

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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Lakin460 on Mon May 07 2012, 15:17

Great idea!!!!

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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Lakin460 on Mon May 07 2012, 15:47

This is a test (to see if Joanna is right...)

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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Lakin460 on Mon May 07 2012, 15:49

AHHHHHHH!!!!! Joanna - your stock DEFINITELY just went UP!!!!

Yeah!!!! Victory!! You've created a monster now!!!

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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Lakin460 on Mon May 07 2012, 15:57


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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Joanna on Mon May 07 2012, 17:52

SIGNS


Did I read that sign correctly?
TOILET OUT OF ORDER. PLEASE USE FLOOR BELOW

In a Laundromat:
AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES: PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES
WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT


In a London department store:
BARGAIN BASEMENT UPSTAIRS


In an office:
WOULD THE PERSON WHO TOOK THE STEP LADDER YESTERDAY
PLEASE BRING IT BACK OR FURTHER STEPS WILL BE TAKEN

In an office:
AFTER TEA BREAK STAFF SHOULD EMPTY THE TEAPOT AND
STAND UPSIDE DOWN ON THE DRAINING BOARD

Outside a secondhand shop:
WE EXCHANGE ANYTHING - BICYCLES, WASHING MACHINES, ETC.
WHY NOT BRING YOUR WIFE ALONG AND GET
A WONDERFUL BARGAIN?

Notice in health food shop window:
CLOSED DUE TO ILLNESS

Spotted in a safari park: (I sure hope so)
ELEPHANTS, PLEASE STAY IN YOUR CAR

Seen during a conference:
FOR ANYONE WHO HAS CHILDREN AND DOESN'T KNOW IT,
THERE IS A DAY CARE ON THE 1ST FLOOR

Notice in a farmer's field:
THE FARMER ALLOWS WALKERS TO CROSS THE FIELD FOR FREE,
BUT THE BULL CHARGES.

Message on a leaflet:
IF YOU CANNOT READ, THIS LEAFLET WILL TELL
YOU HOW TO GET LESSONS

On a repair shop door:
WE CAN REPAIR ANYTHING. (PLEASE KNOCK HARD ON THE DOOR
THE BELL DOESN'T WORK)

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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by melbert on Mon May 07 2012, 17:53

so, Joanna had the magic touch for you Lakin? I'm glad her directions were better than mine!!!! Monster Lakin is on the loose!!!

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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Joanna on Mon May 07 2012, 18:01

Lakin460 wrote:AHHHHHHH!!!!! Joanna - your stock DEFINITELY just went UP!!!!

Yeah!!!! Victory!! You've created a monster now!!!


OMFE...run everyone......RUN It happens

Lakin Has a New Toy lol!

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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Lakin460 on Mon May 07 2012, 18:06

melbert wrote:so, Joanna had the magic touch for you Lakin? I'm glad her directions were better than mine!!!! Monster Lakin is on the loose!!!

Joanna is da' BOMB!!!!

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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Joanna on Mon May 07 2012, 18:21

Hoorah! Hoorah! Laughing out loud

Thanks !

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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Joanna on Tue May 08 2012, 12:30

The Faith Healer

Two women were sitting in the doctor's waiting room
comparing notes on their various disorders.

"I want a baby more than anything in the world,"
said the first, "But I guess it is impossible."

"I used to feel just the same way," said the second.
"But then everything changed. That's why I'm here.
I'm going to have a baby in three months."

"You must tell me what you did."

"I went to a faith healer."

"But I've tried that. My husband and I
went to one for nearly a year and
it didn't help a bit."

The other woman smiled and whispered,
"Try going alone, next time, dearie."

Joanna
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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Joanna on Tue May 08 2012, 12:33

Monkey Organization


An organization is like a tree full of monkeys,
all on different limbs at different levels.

Some monkeys are climbing up, some climbing down.

The monkeys on top look down and see a
tree full of smiling faces.

The monkeys on the bottom look up and
see nothing but assholes.

Joanna
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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Vi on Tue May 08 2012, 12:35

yep

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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Joanna on Tue May 08 2012, 12:57

Cats doing their thing
...and one horny rabbit !


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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Joanna on Tue May 08 2012, 14:00

10 sharp one liners Coolio

1
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down
to his level and beat you with experience.
2
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather..
Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

3
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way.
So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

4
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question.
"Yes" is the answer.

5
Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more
than standing in a garage makes you a car.

6
We live in a society where pizza gets to your house
before the police.

7
Women might be able to fake orgasms.
But men can fake a whole relationship.

8
The last thing I want to do is hurt you.
But it's still on the list.

9
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people
appear bright.... until you hear them speak.

10
If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

Joanna
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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Joanna on Tue May 08 2012, 15:40

Top Ten Signs Your Amish Teen Is In Trouble

10. Sometimes stays in bed till after 6am.
9. In his sock drawer, you find pictures of women without bonnets.
8. Shows up at barn raisings in full "Kiss" makeup.

7. When you criticize him, he yells, "Thou suck!"
6. His name is Jebediah, but he goes by "Jeb Daddy."
5. Defiantly says, "If I had a radio, I'd listen to rap!"

4. You come upon his secret stash of colorful socks.
3. Uses slang expression: "Talk to the hand, cause the beard
ain't listening."
2. Was recently pulled over for "driving under the influence of cottage cheese."

1. He's wearing his big black hat backwards!

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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Joanna on Tue May 08 2012, 19:07

At a convent in Ireland, the 102-year-old Mother Superior lay dying.

The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her
last journey comfortable.
They tried giving her warm milk to drink but she refused it.

One of the nuns took the glass back to the kitchen.
Then, she remembered a bottle of Irish Whiskey that
had been received as a gift
the previous Christmas.
She opened it and
poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Mother Superior's bed, they held the glass to her lips.

The frail nun drank a little,
then a little more and before they knew it,
she had finished the whole glass down
to the last drop.

As her eyes brightened, the nuns thought
it would be a good opportunity to have one last talk
with their spiritual leader.

"Mother," the nuns asked earnestly,
" Please give us some of your wisdom
before you leave us.."

She raised herself up in bed on one elbow,
looked at them and said:

"Don't sell that cow.."


Yahooooo

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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Lakin460 on Tue May 08 2012, 20:52

GREAT jokes and vid, Joanna! Saving them for tomorrow when I return to work! hahahahahaha!!!

You got your check, yet?

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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Joanna on Tue May 08 2012, 21:02

Yes thanks Lakin... Thumbs up!

VERY generous with all those 0000's too ! Sofa bounce

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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Lakin460 on Tue May 08 2012, 21:03

Well, you're worth every penny, Jo! cheers Or is it quid in the UK?

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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Joanna on Tue May 08 2012, 21:24

Yes quid....and penny.....although it's called pence now.

100 pence =£1

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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Lakin460 on Tue May 08 2012, 21:31


going to see Jim Gaffigan at Playhouse Square in Cleveland this weekend! really looking forward to it! enjoy....

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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Joanna on Tue May 08 2012, 21:39

Hey he's funny...have a good time with him !

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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by cindigirl on Tue May 08 2012, 21:53

Thanks for the great laugh Lakin. Hope you have front row seats when you go.

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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Lakin460 on Tue May 08 2012, 22:46


Lakin460
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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Lakin460 on Wed May 09 2012, 02:51

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Lakin460 on Wed May 09 2012, 02:53

The newlyweds are in their honeymoon room and the groom decides to let the bride know where she stands right from the start of the marriage.
He proceeds to take off his trousers and throw them at her. He says, "Put those on."
The bride replies, "I can't wear your trousers."
He replies, "And don't forget that! I will always wear the pants in the family!"
The bride takes off her knickers and throws them at him with the same request, "Try those on!"
He replies,"I can't get into your knickers!"
"And you never bloody will if you don't change your attitude."


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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Joanna on Wed May 09 2012, 12:21

WICOE
(Women In Charge Of Everything)

Is proud to announce the opening of its
EVENING CLASSES FOR MEN!
OPEN TO MEN ONLY
ALL ARE WELCOME

Note: due to the complexity and level of difficulty,
each course will
accept a maximum of eight participants

The course covers two days, and topics covered
in this course include:

DAY ONE

TOILET ROLLS- DO THEY GROW ON THE HOLDERS?
Roundtable discussion

DIFFERENCES BETWEEN LAUNDRY BASKET & FLOOR
Practising with hamper (Pictures and graphics)

DISHES & SILVERWARE;
DO THEY LEVITATE/FLY TO KITCHEN SINK
OR DISHWASHER BY THEMSELVES?
Debate among a panel of experts.

REMOTE CONTROL
Losing the remote control - Help line and support groups

LEARNING HOW TO FIND THINGS
Starting with looking in the right place
Instead of turning the house upside down while screaming -
Open forum


DAY TWO

EMPTY MILK CARTONS;
DO THEY BELONG IN THE FRIDGE OR THE BIN?
Group discussion and role play

HEALTH WATCH;
BRINGING HER FLOWERS IS NOT HARMFUL TO YOUR HEALTH
PowerPoint presentation

REAL MEN ASK FOR DIRECTIONS WHEN LOST
Real life testimonial from the one man who did

IS IT GENETICALLY IMPOSSIBLE TO SIT QUIETLY
AS SHE PARALLEL PARKS?
Driving simulation

HOW TO BE THE IDEAL SHOPPING COMPANION
Relaxation exercises, meditation and breathing techniques

REMEMBERING IMPORTANT DATES
& CALLING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE LATE
Bring your calendar or PDA to class

GETTING OVER IT;
LEARNING HOW TO LIVE WITH BEING WRONG ALL THE TIME
Individual counsellors available


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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Vi on Wed May 09 2012, 12:39

LOOOOOOOOOL

my belly !


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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by it's me on Wed May 09 2012, 13:04

Not worthy thanks lip smack a lot!!! Give Flowers Give Flowers2

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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Lakin460 on Wed May 09 2012, 14:42

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see."

Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars."

Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life."

And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."

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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Lakin460 on Wed May 09 2012, 14:47

Dear Dad -

Letter home from school...

Dear Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love,
Your $on.

A week later..... a letter from "home"

Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.


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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by cindigirl on Wed May 09 2012, 15:01

ROFL on your Holmes and Watson joke Lakin.

Thumbs up!

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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Lakin460 on Wed May 09 2012, 15:06

Skinny Sipping

An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back.

It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some orange, and lime trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.

He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'

The old man frowned, 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked..'

Holding the bucket up he said, 'I'm here to feed the alligator.'


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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Lakin460 on Wed May 09 2012, 15:20

Daddy's Gonna Eat Your Fingers!

I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said,"Daddy, look at this", and stuck out two of her fingers.


Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers," pretending to eat them.

I went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.

I said, "What's wrong, honey?"

She replied, "What happened to my booger?"

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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Joanna on Wed May 09 2012, 20:24


Why We Love Children
PART ONE


A nursery school pupil told his teacher
he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
"How do you know that the cat was dead?"
she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,"
answered the child innocently.
"You did WHAT?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.
"You know," explained the boy,
"I leaned over and went "Pssst" and it didn't move"


A small boy is sent to bed by his father.
Five minutes later....."Da-ad...." "What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?"
"No, You had your chance. Lights out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....." "WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"
" I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!"
Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!"
"When you come in to smack me,
can you bring me a drink of water?"


An exasperated mother, whose son was always
getting into mischief, finally asked him
"How do you
expect to get into Heaven?"

The boy thought it over and said,
"Well, I'll run in and out and in and out
and keep slamming the door
until St Peter says,
"For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!"

Joanna
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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Joanna on Wed May 09 2012, 20:26

eeewww Lakin...how could you ? lol!

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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by davidarochelle on Wed May 09 2012, 23:04


No Pets Allowed
Two buddies were out for a Saturday stroll. One had a Doberman and the other had a Chihuahua. As they sauntered down the street, the guy with the Doberman said to his friend, "Let's go over to that restaurant and get something to drink."

The guy with the Chihuahua said, "We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us."

The one with the Doberman said, "Just follow my lead." They walked over to the restaurant and the guy with the Doberman put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the restaurant.

The waiter at the door said, "Sorry, Mac, no pets allowed."

The man with the Doberman said, "You don't understand. This is my Seeing-Eye dog."

The waiter said, "A Doberman pinscher?"

The man said, "Yes, they're using them now. They're very good."

The waiter said, "OK then, come on in."

The buddy with the Chihuahua figured he'd try it too so he put on a pair of dark glasses and started to walk into the restaurant. He knew his story would be a bit more unbelievable. Once again the waiter said, "Sorry, pal, no pets allowed."

The man with the Chihuahua said, "You don't understand. This is my Seeing-Eye dog."

The waiter said, "A Chihuahua?"

The man with the Chihuahua said, "A Chihuahua?!? A Chihuahua?!? They gave me a Chihuahua??

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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by davidarochelle on Wed May 09 2012, 23:09

The Definition of Golf

GOLF, n.

[1] a game that consists of a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.

[2] a game of opposites - the world's slowest people are ahead of you, and the fastest are behind.

[3] a colorful sport that keeps you on the green, in the pink, and financially in the red.

[4] a game which is allowed to be played on Sunday (under blue laws) because it was not considered a game by the law, but a form of moral effort.

[5] a game a lot like taxation - you drive hard to get to the green, and then you find yourself in a hole.



GOLF CART, n.

[1] A popular mode of transportation because, unlike a caddie, it can neither count, criticize, nor snicker.



GOLFER, n.

[1] a person who yells "fore," takes six, and puts down five;

[2] a guy who has the advantage over a fisherman - he doesn't have to bring home anything when he brags he had a great day.






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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by davidarochelle on Wed May 09 2012, 23:13

Sorry G but the following is why I am against BIG government,

ID Card

The day I immigrated to the United States, I was given an alien ID card that featured a cute photo of me at age 15. Years later, when I went to the courthouse to become a citizen, a clerk confiscated my card.

"What will you do with it?" my wife asked.

"We burn it" was the answer.

"Could you please cut the photo off and let us keep it?" asked my wife.

"Certainly not," said the clerk. "This card is official U.S. government property. As such it cannot be mutilated before it's destroyed."


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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by davidarochelle on Wed May 09 2012, 23:15

Sorry G but the following is why I am against BIG government,

ID Card

The day I immigrated to the United States, I was given an alien ID card that featured a cute photo of me at age 15. Years later, when I went to the courthouse to become a citizen, a clerk confiscated my card.

"What will you do with it?" my wife asked.

"We burn it" was the answer.

"Could you please cut the photo off and let us keep it?" asked my wife.

"Certainly not," said the clerk. "This card is official U.S. government property. As such it cannot be mutilated before it's destroyed."


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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by davidarochelle on Wed May 09 2012, 23:17

G Followers, even worse than big incompetent government, is big incompetent military administration,

Military Intials

When I was a newly commissioned Lieutenant in the Army, I was assigned as a temporary assistant in an administrative office in a Military Intelligence unit. One day a long came around with a cover sheet instructing all assigned officers to read it and initial it as indication of their compliance. I figured it meant me too, so I read and initialed it.

However, a few days later, it came back addressed specifically to me. An attached note read:"You are not permanently assigned to this unit and are thus not an authorized signee. Please erase your initials and initial your erasure."

So I did.

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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Joanna on Thu May 10 2012, 00:12

A woman in her 30's was taking her mother, who was in her 50's to the gynecologist.
After dropping her mother off, she and her daughter ran a few errands, then returned to the doctor.

While the older woman had her feet in the stirrups,
the doctor remarked, "Don't we look pretty today",
as he performed his examination.

The lady was quite shocked, but said nothing.

When her daughter picked her up, she was quite upset.
The Following conversation ensued:

Mother: Do you know what that doctor said to me?
He said, "Don't we look pretty today",
while he was looking between my legs!
Do you think that was appropriate?

Daughter: No! Are you sure he wasn't referring
to your hairstyle or something?

Mother: Well, it still wasn't appropriate or professional.
I wonder if it could be considered sexual harassment.
What do you think?

Daughter: I don't know. We're you embarrassed?

Mother: I was very embarrassed.
I used some of your FDS this morning,
and he may have smelled that,
but I still don't think he should have commented!

Daughter: I don't have any FDS.

Mother: Why, sure you do! In the blue can that was
on back of the toilet.
I used some before the appointment...

Granddaughter: That's my Barbie Golden Glitter Hair Spray!

Yahooooo

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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Lakin460 on Thu May 10 2012, 00:14

LOLOL Very good, Jo!

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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by Joanna on Thu May 10 2012, 00:18

lol! davida...those all made me laff

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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

Post by davidarochelle on Thu May 10 2012, 00:21

Joanna,
Thank you. And very good idea for our best jokes to get their own section on COH. Hopefully someone from SK's staff or even G's will read this and laugh along with us. Then they won't be so unhappy for all of the disses. LOL

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Re: JOKES and ALL THINGS HUMOROUS

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