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The Bad Advice Game

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by noodle on Tue May 15 2012, 03:53

caudata I think you need to invite the Road Runner and Wily Coyote over for dinner. With all their exploding dynamite and heavy falling objects that should take care of the problem.

And Katie you obviously need to become a monk and take a vow of silence, devoting your life to worthwhile causes like COH where no spoken words are necessary.

Now my problem is, after taking caudata's advice and singing a duet with Oscar the Grouch, it attracted all of the Sesame Street characters to my house. A large crowd of children have been gathering, hundreds of them. And miss piggy has taken over my bedroom and bath. I don't want a pig in my bed (I don't care if George did sleep with one). What do I do???

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by Joanna on Tue May 15 2012, 11:34

OK... I've now got brain overload with two problems to sort out.

caudata
Call in a young film maker who's trying to get a good break.
I'm sure he could make a fabulous short film with all those characters.
After that call a local burly fireman with a big hose to sort
out your car for you ? Phew....the mind boggles !

Katie
Well obviously there's only one solution to your problem...
you must go on a hot date with Jonathan Woss and steal his W's.....and you won't have to mind your p's & q's with him !


My problem
16 Vestal Virgins have camped out on my front lawn in a large yurt.
They sleep all day and dance all night and keep threatening to make Osprey Soup if I complain about them to the Local Authority.
Help !

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by Joanna on Tue May 15 2012, 11:36

Oh shit....I didn't see the next one on
the next page headbang


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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by caudata on Tue May 15 2012, 15:02

Noodle, tell the Sesame Street characters that someone (in the next town over) doesn't know what the number 4 is. They'll be gone in an instant. To get rid of the children, have a a few ice cream trucks go up and down the next block. As for Miss Piggy, call up George and ask him if he'd like to adopt her. I doubt either would say no. Or, just keep telling her how much you love bacon, and then "oh no, I don't have any in the fridge, too bad I don't have a pig lying around" then look over at her hungrily.


Joanna, tell the Vestal Virgins they aren't in Rome anymore and that they're neglecting their duties. Give them a map and a boat] so they can get back to Rome. You should probably give them a couple oars too. Then, get a couple of yaks to help drag the yurt off your lawn.


My problem is that every time I sit down, both of my feet go numb. Whenever I try to stand back up, I take a step, and fall down. It's quite embarrassing and a bit painful too. The last time I fell, coffee went flying everywhere and I knocked over my leaning tower of books. People are now lurking by my office and are placing bets on how I'll go down next. What should I do?


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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by Joanna on Tue May 15 2012, 20:38

Wash all the insides of your shoes thoroughly. Someone has put some nerve affecting plant extract inside them to make your
feet go numb.
The reason ? They are running a betting syndicate and
you are the victim. Don't let the b*****s make any more money
out of you !


My problem
Six yaks have removed the yurts from my lawn, but have left them in front of neighbours driveways. So they can't get their cars off their drives.
Also the yaks have settled down in the middle of the road and cars are blocked in.
Help !

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by caudata on Wed May 16 2012, 00:33

Joanna, you should call on the Royal Canadian Kilted Yaksmen, they'll take care of your yak problem. As for the yurts, just have your neighbors cut car shaped holes in them, now they have garages!



It's springtime which means my beloved furry roommates are shedding. They lose enough fur each day that I can make a new pet. Any thoughts on what I can do with all this fur, or on how to keep them from shedding more (I'm mildly allergic)? I'd rather not shave them though, I don't think I'd like petting them very much.

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by Joanna on Wed May 16 2012, 12:27

Why not use the Barbie Glitter Hair Spray to keep
their hair in place ? They would look pretty at Christmas too
as Mobile Decorations.
With regard to the shed hair.... now that she's awake, ask the Sleeping Beauty to spin it into yarn for you to knit them little sweaters, thus keeping the shedding to a minimum in the future.

The Royal Canadian Kilted Yaksmen have now discovered the
16 Vestal Virgins and there's a massive orgy going on outside
day & night.
My neighbours are pissed off as their house values have plummeted over the past week.
Help !

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by caudata on Thu May 17 2012, 13:55

Joanna, it seems that the problem isn't with the yaks, yurts, and yells of joy, it's with your neighbors. They seem to be glass half-empty types. Instead of using yurt garages, yak sweaters, and yak butter, they b**ch and moan. You all could make a TON of money by selling front row tickets or DVDs of" The Royal Canadian Kilted Yaksmen and the 16 Vestal Virgin Show". Throw some Viagra at the Yaksmen, birth control at the Virgins, and cash in while you can. Let the property values plummet further, and buy out your neighbors!




I've planted my garden recently and am now faced with the annual slug war. These slimy behemoths destroy everything they see. They have an endless supply of recruits, as I can sit for hours picking them off my poor defenseless plants and the next day, they're back in full force. I've tried the beer trap method, but unfortunately these teetotalling gastropods have not taken the bait. What should I do?

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by melbert on Thu May 17 2012, 17:45

You need to build a little boxing ring in your garden, so inbetween their munching on your plants, they can engage in some boxing (slugs, get it? boxing = slugs). They'll get so pooped out from boxing, they'll be too tired to munch.

So, I've got a problem. I won the lottery, $69,000,000,000,000,000, and I don't know how to properly distribute it. So many have NOW become my friends (especially the ones who up to a week ago were stabbing me in the back at work) and want to share in my winnings. My humanitarian side would like to help so many around the world (and then George would want to meet ME as he would be in awe of me) and of course, my real friends on OH. After I buy a new car, a house for my son and his family (ok, me too), then I would still have lots left. What's a poor little rich girl to do?

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by caudata on Fri May 18 2012, 17:31

Well first, I'd go to the hospital to get those stab wounds checked out. It'd be tragic to die of an infection. Buy out the company you work for, and put those backstabbers in horrible jobs. If you work at a zoo and one is afraid of spiders, make them clean the spider cages. Revenge without the mess of prison! Then take a vacation, whenever you meet someone nice/helpful along the way, give them a gift. You'll be planting seeds of happiness everywhere! (that was really sappy sounding wasn't it). Also, put some of it in a trust account so that the interest can go to whatever you want scholarship/charity even after you're dead, it's the gift that keeps on giving!



So I decided to set up a boxing ring for my slugs, (I named it "slug fest") and it's worked out pretty well...sort of. Sports channels such as, ESPN, TSN, and the Score, have planted themselves in my garden (hee hee hee). Apparently "Slug Fest" has now become the number one rated sporting event in North America. Unfortunately, they're smushing all of my plants and haven't offered me a single dime of their profits. What should I do?

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by Joanna on Sat May 19 2012, 10:59

Ask generously hearted melbert to fund the best lawyers in the land
in order to mount the biggest court case ever to sue 'em all.
Then ask melbert to negotiate with the Cohen brothers, George, Brad. Matt all the Ocean's gang to make a film from the events.
Don't forget to cast the slugs too as extras as they
won't cost anything !

My problem.
I own 12 small companies. Due to the double dip recession they have all collapsed financially and I have many creditors chasing me for money. I am in the process of being declared bankrupt.
However, I have been commanded to appear on TV to take part in
Who Wants to be a Millionaire and don't want my creditors
to get their greedy mutts on any winnings I make from the programme.
What can I do to protect my money ?

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by melbert on Sat May 19 2012, 23:48

You need to disguise yourself as Renee Zellweger and be on the Celebrity version of WWTBAM. When you win the gazillion dollars (cuz' you're so smart!!!), tell them to send the winnings to your charity, The George Clooney Arm Candy Fund. Since you are the owner, chairwoman and chief bottle washer of the Fund, then the money is all yours!!!!

I have a problem. I looked in the mirror awhile ago, and my eyes have become squinty, just like Joanna's friend Renee. I want my bright big eyes back. What should I do?????

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by caudata on Sun May 20 2012, 01:27

Melbert, you could put on o a remote operated zappy thing and have a friend spontaneously electrocute you. That'll keep your eyes nice and big! Hope you don't mind frizzy hair!



I made a nice heap of change from the lawsuit and from selling the rights for the movie adaptation of Slug Fest. Since it was all because of the slugs, I'd like to pay them back in some way (aside from not killing them). Any thoughts? Keep in mind, I still want to be able to eat home grown lettuce (I know, I'm selfish that way).



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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by melbert on Sun May 20 2012, 01:46

Caudata, with that heap of change, you need to buy the slugs their own parcel of land and teach them how to grow their own lettuce to eat as you do!! Also, I'll let you borrow my remote zappy thing to install around their property to keep them in!!

Now that I'm wide-eyed with frizzy hair, the producers of Annie called and want me to star in the old-lady version. The only drawback is that I've forgotten the words to "Tomorrow". And, since I'm so old I can no longer memorize things. How am I to remember the song?

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by noodle on Sun May 20 2012, 02:04

Have the words to the song tattooed on the inside of your eyelids. You'll have to close your eyes a lot but people will just think your singing with feeling.

On to my problem. My precious little dog hates the new kitten, but I want to keep them both and not have to keep them in separate parts of the house. What am I to do???

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by caudata on Sun May 20 2012, 02:25

I got side-tracked mid-post and Noodle posted a response. So, I'll just do both!

Melbert, memory can be reduced by a buildup of protein. A good way of reducing this protein, is through electric shock. So, I'll hold off on containing my slugs with your zappy thing and you can zap away your poor memory!

On a side note, it may not matter if you can't remember the words since most of your audience may not remember them either.

Noodle, don't worry about the kitten. Cats always end up ruling over dogs. Just one little swipe at your little dog's eyes, and the dog will know his place.



My new problem involves my pets. They've started ignoring my household rules (no eating non-food, especially electrical wires; no jumping on hard furniture, like tables and counters; and no excreting outside litter boxes) and have taken to staring at me like I'm sort of moronic freak. How do I re-establish some respect?


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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by caudata on Sun May 20 2012, 02:26

Noodle, I really liked your tattoo idea!

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by noodle on Sun May 20 2012, 04:32

Caudata you don't need to worry about re-establishing respect. The cats will do it for you. Cats also rule over people. One little swipe at your eyes and you will again know your place. lol

Now because of the cat my dog is blind. I think since the cat caused it he should become his seeing eye cat. How do I make him comply?

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by caudata on Sun May 20 2012, 20:35

I'm not sure this is possible Noodle. The only solution I see, is to remove one of your cat's eyeballs and surgically implant it into one of your dog's now vacant eye sockets. That's what I had to do when my cat scratched out my eyes. pirat



Since I now only have one eye, I've decided to go full on pirate. The only problem though, is that I don't live near the ocean, nor do I own a boat, nor do I know how to swim, and I'm non-violent by nature (I suppose that's more than one problem). Any thoughts on how to be an inland pirate, as opposed to a weirdo that simply dresses like one?

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by Joanna on Sun May 20 2012, 21:02

To become a pirate ?
Why not become an Income Tax Collector... with a parrot that phones people to tell them how much they owe. Then you can go round to collect the money from them and have it fixed onto your hook so that it won't bow away.

My problem
The blackbirds keep eating big black berries from a bush in my garden...then they poop black shit all over my lovely pale pink & white tiled pathways. Oh it looks such a mess headbang
Help !

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by melbert on Sun May 20 2012, 21:48

Easy peasy!!! Just spray paint the big black berries a lovely shade of pale pink (and make some white too), so when the blackbirds eat them, they'll poop pink and white poo!! Or they'll die from the toxins in the spray paint and then you don't have to worry about any color or poop on your tiles!!!!

I've got a BIG problem. I really like someone who doesn't like me back. I've thrown myself on him, called him at all hours, sent him flowers and candy, driven back and forth in front of his house, showed up at restaurants where he's at, and stop by his work every day. Why doesn't he like me?

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by noodle on Sun May 20 2012, 22:52

Melbert quit stalking George! You know he involved with that furry redhead right now. You need to throw yourself into solving other people's problems instead. Like mine.

I went to sleep last night and when I woke up my house had been moved to the middle of a zoo. I pinched myself to make sure I was awake and yep I was. I am deathly afraid of animals and here I am, surrounded by lions and tigers and bears...oh my, what should I do?

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by caudata on Sun May 20 2012, 23:24

Noodle, you should really lay off the sleep meds! I have four thoughts on what to do. 1) shoot your way out. Just try not to do it during zoo hours. Children may become traumatized when they're favorite animals bleed out in front of them. 2) Spend the rest of your life locked up inside your home. I'm sure the zoo keepers will feed you. 3) Put left over sleep medication in some meat and feed them to the man-eating beasts. Make your escape when you hear loud snoring. 4) Locate four secret-agent penguins. They specialize in zoo break-outs.



My problem is that my boyfriend is being stalked by a crazy person. She keeps showing up at his work, breaking up our dinner dates, waking us up in the middle of the night, etc. We have accumulated an inordinate number of flowers in our house. While she does have good taste in flowers (and men), I'm allergic, so all I do is sneeze. Sneezing and sleep deprivation is not helping me in my sniper training. My final assessment is at the end of the week. What do I do?

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by noodle on Sun May 20 2012, 23:37

You need to practice your sniper skills by breaking me out of this zoo. One of the reasons I'm deathly afraid of animals is because I'm so allergic to them. I have a large stockpile of allergy meds I will share with you so you will be ready for your final assessment.

My problem is (in case caudata fails me) I have approached the secret agent penguins to break out of this zoo but they have demands. They want weapons, sniper training designed for flippers, and a starring spot on Penguin Cam. What do I do?

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by LornaDoone on Mon May 21 2012, 01:51

noodle wrote:Have the words to the song tattooed on the inside of your eyelids. You'll have to close your eyes a lot but people will just think your singing with feeling.

On to my problem. My precious little dog hates the new kitten, but I want to keep them both and not have to keep them in separate parts of the house. What am I to do???


Brahahahahahaha!!! OMG LMAO!

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by LornaDoone on Mon May 21 2012, 01:59

noodle, fuck the penguins (not literally) take one of each and feed them to the four largest man eating animals, while they're occupied (for the two minutes it will take to chomp on the penguins) make your escape!

My problem is that I keep thinking I should have been Mrs. Eastwood and I think that Dina chick somehow stole Clint from me. How do i get him back? (Now here's what scary about that problem - I'll bet there's somebody out there that thinks they have that exact problem but really believes it! HA!)

But, nevertheless, that's my issue. Any suggestions (other than killing her cause I don't want to go to jail?)

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by melbert on Mon May 21 2012, 15:29

Lorna, approach Mrs. Eastwood while she's shooting her reality show and ask her, "do you feel lucky bitch? Well do ya???". When she runs away, go to his house and say "Play Misty for me". He'll like that and then YOU'RE IN!!!

My problem is that after Caudata had me arrested for stalking her "boyfriend" *choke, cough* George, I went to prison for 3 1/2 years. When I got out, I looked GORGEOUS (it's amazing what prison food can do for your weight-loss program), but I can't find a decent job with a felony on my record. Any suggestions for a new profession for a GORGEOUS woman???

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by caudata on Mon May 21 2012, 18:16

Melbert, I can't believe I'm going to give you advice, but I have several ideas. First, you could get your own reality show. No talent is necessary, just good looks. Second, I successfully broke Noodle out of the zoo, so she didn't need to get the Secret Agent Penguins spots on Penguin cam, meaning there's a spot for you!! Just wear the black and white prison uniform and no one will be the wiser. Third, I'm sure you acquired some fighting skills in prison, so you could go into wrestling.



My problem is that while breaking Noodle out, I had to shoot a rare subspecies of Rhino. Being an animal lover, I've been quite traumatized by the whole thing. I can't go to sleep at night without seeing his cute giant man-destroying face. I cant go anywhere without seeing pictures of rhinos, toy rhinos, even a guy dressed like one outside an income tax place. What should I do?

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by noodle on Mon May 21 2012, 18:44

I TOLD you not to shoot him. I said "just stand in front of him and yell stop". But no you with your sniper training just had to shoot him. The only solution I can see is for you to get a job as a wine tester and drink till you forget his giant man-destroying face. And send all your paychecks to the Society for the Humane Treatment of Rinos.

Now my problem is my friends. All my friends seem to have terrible problems and not one of them can solve their own issues. I don't want to lose my friends but they seem so needy and they do really strange things. One of them is a blind sniper who shoots animals in the zoo. What is a friend to do?

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by caudata on Mon May 21 2012, 19:42

noodle wrote:I TOLD you not to shoot him. I said "just stand in front of him and yell stop".
Ha! How could I have doubted the idea that a charging rhino would stop at my command?

I'm not completely blind by the way! I still have one eye, and a cat one at that! Next time Miss house-in-the-middle-of-the-zoo, I'll just leave your fraidy-cat butt in the flippers of penguins! In all seriousness, in the case of your other friends, the ones who truly are needy and are quite sad (as opposed to me), keep them around, that way you can feel superior!


So I followed noodle's advice and it worked! I drank the rhino away. So now I'm an alcoholic one-eyed sniper. Needless to say the police department fired me. Should I hop on the wagon and try to get my job back? If not, what else should I do with my life?
Here's my resume: Drink 2 + pirat + AK47 = I dunno

Oh, and my boyfriend left me Tears of frustration . This does not make me needy!

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by Maggy on Mon May 21 2012, 19:46

lol!

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by noodle on Mon May 21 2012, 21:16

Well now that your boyfriend has left you, since you're an alcoholic one-eyed sniper and all, I think you should hire on as part of George's security team. When your not protecting him, you could be a drinking companion. I wouldn't mention the cat eye if Einstein gets a vote. It could be a deal breaker.
A job like that could also help the low self-esteem problem you have about others following your commands.

I took caudata's advice and decided to feel superior to those around me. Since I have no real skills I decided the best way to do that was to become George's next girlfriend. My problem is his new bodyguard. She is a one-eyed sniper who seems to have a problem with me. She drinks a lot and when she is drinking she stares at me with her one eye and meows. What should I do?

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by Joanna on Mon May 21 2012, 21:27

caudata....what to do with your life ?

Sell everything you own....except your...
.....Drink 2 + AK47 + pityviolin + pooping... and buy a beautiful big boat...sail around the world drinking, playing your music and shooting anyone who threatens you, as in
Thelma & Louise.
Write your story on your.... Concentrating.... especially all the
funny bits.... Laughing out loud... and make a bloody fortune selling the film rights to Smokehouse.... Superdupercool Superdupercool

My problem is...I have been arrested for killing all the birds in the area, thrown into a dark room, with no wi fi !!!!
So I am sending this post by morse code, but keep forgetting the actual sequences of dots and dashes.

dot dot dot...dash dash dash....dot dot dot...or is it....
dash dash dash....dot dot dot....dash dash dash ?
H. E. L. P.

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by caudata on Tue May 22 2012, 01:34

Noodle, you could keep Einstein around and the next time she meows at you, sic him on her. By the way, his new body guard sounds awesome! Very much like me....wait...oh crap!


Joanna, SOS is dot dot dot dash dash dash dot dot dot. Although it's really not going to do you much good without knowing where you are. So, find your inner bird (assuming it's not too mad at you) and tune into the Earth's magnetic field. Once you know you're location, let us know.



First I followed Noodle's advice and became George's bodyguard. Which was great until she had Einstein attack me and then I shot a couple of paps in the foot (they are sooo obnoxious!). I took the money I made working for George (he pays well) and bought a boat per Joanna's suggestion. I also made a ton of money writing my book. But apparently I have a severe issue of constipation (see Joanna's post above). I hadn't noticed, but now that I think of it, it's been weeks since, well, you know... Any thoughts on how to lighten my load?

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by melbert on Tue May 22 2012, 01:47

MASTER CLEANSE!!!! Go back to George's and steal his - he doesn't need it!!! Then go over to Stacy's as her sewer system is more used to the "cleanse" than yours would be cuz' you don't want to have to call the plumber.

I've got a new problem today. It was unbelieveably hot here today, 45F. I had to shave the hair off my head and run thru the sprinklers nekkid. I am no longer gorgeous. I scared all the neighborhood kids away (hey, that's a GOOD thing!!!). All my friends are either in jail, half blind and/or constipated. What am I going to do now?

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by caudata on Tue May 22 2012, 02:32

Melbert, have you thought of moving to the arctic? If you think 45F is hot, then you're going to have a rough summer. I still have some cat and rabbit fur left over, you can make a wig out of that. They both receive compliments on how nice their fur is! Whenever I get off the toilet, I'll give it to you. Then, all you need is a nice bikini and you'll be on the cover of all the swimsuit magazines! Or you could stay nekkid and be on the cover of all the porn mags!


I'm trying out this cleanse thing and I'm really glad you told me to go elsewhere. My pipes would have exploded a while ago. Whew, it's hard work too! Anyways, I was wondering if you all had any suggestions on what to do with butt sores since I'm not used to sitting on the toilet that much (obviously, hence the problem). Unfortunately these aren't hemorrhoids, so preparation H won't work, it's more like if you've been riding a bike too long.

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by Joanna on Tue May 22 2012, 19:47

....OOOOOOO..... TMI.....TMI..... It happens

caudata
Your butt needs exposure to the sun pronto.... so fly over to where melbert is and join her in her nekkidness, as all those neighbours are quite used to seeing bare flesh around the place.


I now know where, I am but have been sworn to secrecy upon
pain of death by M15 & M16. I negotiated wi fi from them though so have no need to learn about Morse.
So my problem is how to make my 12' x 12' little cell look and feel more like home.

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by caudata on Wed May 23 2012, 16:46

Will they let you paint the walls? If so, I'd paint them a nice, warm, earthy tone, like brown. That's far more inviting than gray. You should definitely put one of those fuzzy toilet seat covers on. They usually gross me out, but do you really want to sit on cold steel? Hanging up lots of pictures of birds would help too, it may get you paroled sooner.



After following Joanna's advice, I'm now in prison for indecent exposure. Being a former cop, the other inmates are having a field day shanking me. Basically, I WANT OUT OF HERE!!!!! Other than digging a tunnel through the wall (I don't have that kind of time), any thoughts on how to break my way out?


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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by Joanna on Thu May 24 2012, 12:58

Join the prison team for....

Lacrosse if female prison.
Football if male prison.
Twister if mixed prison.

When the team goes out of prison to play a match elsewhere,
feign an emergency illness that necessitates a visit to ER.
With your good looks, charm and amazing chat up ability,
convince the dishy doctor that he's a dead ringer for Dr Doug Ross and beg him for your freedom, with promises of extremely unusual
sexual activities to celebrate your freedom !

I don't have any problems at all today, so,
what can I do to create one ?

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by caudata on Thu May 24 2012, 16:56

You can paint the MI5 guards brown so that they match your warm prison cell. While you're at it, throw a fuzzy pink toilet seat cover around their necks and tell them they've been lei'ed! I'm sure tough secret agent types won't mind at all!

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by Joanna on Sun May 27 2012, 19:08

Thanks for those ideas caudata....have you no problem,
for to share with maidens fair ?

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by caudata on Sun May 27 2012, 22:06

Oops. Despite having played this game quite a bit, I seem to have forgotten the rules (hence the lack of a problem above). Any thoughts on how to keep from forgetting again?

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by melbert on Mon May 28 2012, 01:03

Caudata, you can join the CRS Club (can't remember shit). I am the President, but I can't remember who the VP is. And I can't remember if we pay dues. But, because you're the newest member, you have to remember to bring the chips and dip and drinks to our next meeting.

I have developed a new problem. I have 10 fingers, but I only have 3 bottles of nail polish. I want to do something fun with my nails, but with only 3 bottles of polish, I'm at a loss of what I can do. Can anyone help me????

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by Joanna on Mon May 28 2012, 01:07

4 fingers number one colour....4 other fingers number two colour...
both thumbs number three colour !! Coolio gotpics

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by Joanna on Mon May 28 2012, 01:08

PS I have no problems as it's past my bed time now

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by melbert on Mon May 28 2012, 01:09

I was just going to ask what your problem was as it's WAY past bedtime!!!!!

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by Joanna on Mon May 28 2012, 11:12

My problem

The weather is so hot and sunny I can't stand up and
have to do everything lying down.
Help !

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by caudata on Mon May 28 2012, 23:53

Joanna, that sounds awesome!! Get yourself a reclineable lawn chair and you are set! Reclining is important so you don't choke on your food/drink and so you can easily peruse COH. Got to go to the commode? No problem, that's what bed pans are for! Or, you could simply have someone make a hole in the lawn chair for you. Make sure you roll over once in awhile as you probably don't want a sunburn or bed sores.





I seem to have found myself in a bit of a bind. I was with a group of friends traveling through the desert when we stopped to allow one of our motion sensitive friends vomit on the road side Vomit 2 . Thankfully I was not the one hit. But during the commotion, I got sidetracked by a cute little gila monster. Being a big herp fan, I had to chase it down as my own version of the paparazzi. cameraflash After taking several awesome photographs, I discovered that my friends left without me. So now, I'm alone in the desert with nothing but the clothes on my back, a camera, a pocket knife, and some keys. Oh yeah, and I'm with a venomous lizard. What should I do?
tumbleweed

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by LornaDoone on Tue May 29 2012, 03:37

Follow the lizard till it finds water for you (you know that ugly bastard knows where to find water) after you've found water - see if you can't start a fire by striking your keys against a rock (it might take several hours); go back to the lizard, stab and skin it with the knife, then roast if over the fire. Don't eat it all you may be there for a while. Use the camera lens like a mirror moving it back and forth in the sun hopefully someone will see the glass flashing and you'll be saved. If all else fails take off all your clothes and hope some horny spy satellite monitor sees you and will send help. Continually mouthing, "I'll do you if you send help" might get him to send help faster.

My problem is I have a crappy car & live in a crappy neighborhood. I believe I deserve better with both, but I have no money to upgrade or move to a better neighborhood. Any suggestions on how I can make more money?


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Re: The Bad Advice Game

Post by caudata on Tue May 29 2012, 18:04

Sell your crappy car and your crappy house, buy a nice car, park in a nice neighborhood, and live in your car. With the money you're saving from not having a mortgage, get a gym membership for showering. Also, make sure you park at night so no one notices, otherwise you may have some explaining to do with the police.




Following the Gila Monster was beneficial in locating a water source, but unfortunately, he didn't take too kindly to me trying to stab him to death. He latched on to my arm and refused to let go. I submerged him in the stream in an effort to get him to disengage, but he drowned before doing so. Now I have a dead gila monster hanging from my arm. I'm a bit weak from the pain and the venom-induced vomiting and cannot remove him. What should I do?

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Re: The Bad Advice Game

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