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DECLARATION BY QUEEN ELIZABETH 11 (In England)

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DECLARATION BY QUEEN ELIZABETH 11 (In England)

Post by Joanna on Mon Apr 16 2012, 00:50

To the Citizens of the United States of America
from
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II



In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for
President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves,
we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence,
effective immediately.

(You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)


Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).

Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America
without the need for further elections.

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine
whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency,
the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:


1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.'
Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary
to acceptable levels.
(Look up 'vocabulary').

2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises
such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and
inefficient form of communication.

There is no such thing as U.S. English.
We will let Microsoft and Apple know on your behalf.

The Microsoft and Apple spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account
the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists.
The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not
quite ready to be independent.

Guns should only be used for shooting grouse.
If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist,
then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything
more dangerous than a vegetable peeler.
Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start
driving on the left side with immediate effect.
At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables.
Both roundabouts and metrication will help you
to understand the British sense of humour.

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline)
of roughly $12/US gallon. Get used to it.

8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips,
and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps.
Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed
not with catsup but with vinegar.

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all.
Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager.

South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer.
They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them.

American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys.
Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters.
Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral
was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of
proper football; you call it soccer.
Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby
(which has some similarities to American football, but does not
involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing
full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball.
It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for
a game which is not played outside of America.
Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders,
your error is understandable.

You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first
to take the sting out of their deliveries.

13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government
will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due
(Backdated to 1776).

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers,
and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes;
plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

God Save the Queen !

Joanna
George Clooney fan forever!

Posts : 19069
Join date : 2011-11-17
Location : UK

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Re: DECLARATION BY QUEEN ELIZABETH 11 (In England)

Post by party animal - not! on Mon Apr 16 2012, 01:13

Great, Joanna. Can't stop giggling.....

Or as David Cameron would say 'What a wheeze!'

Ooh, and should basketball not be referred to as netball? And baseball rounders?

party animal - not!
Zip a dee Clooney!

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Re: DECLARATION BY QUEEN ELIZABETH 11 (In England)

Post by Maggy on Mon Apr 16 2012, 01:21

THAT'S IT?lol!

Maggy
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Re: DECLARATION BY QUEEN ELIZABETH 11 (In England)

Post by Merlin on Mon Apr 16 2012, 07:05

Ha...I think all the Royal Family and all our politicians should move henceforth to the Colonies and not be allowed back and I claim the Crown Jewels cos they're lovely and sparkly and they do actually belong to us and not them Very Happy

But the Queen can stay until after the 4th June cos I'm going to have a picnic with her at Buckingham Palace....

Merlin
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Re: DECLARATION BY QUEEN ELIZABETH 11 (In England)

Post by playfuldeb on Mon Apr 16 2012, 09:25

great post Joanna! Are you really meeting the queen Merlin?

playfuldeb
Clooneyfied!

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Re: DECLARATION BY QUEEN ELIZABETH 11 (In England)

Post by Joanna on Mon Apr 16 2012, 10:30

Hey Merlin how Fantastic... you're going to a Garden Party
at Buck House ! Coolio
I'm going to be nosey now and ask how the invite came about.
I've never "met" anyone before who's had that experience.
I do hope all the "youngsters" will be there too.
OOOOO I feel excited for you now lol!

Joanna
George Clooney fan forever!

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Re: DECLARATION BY QUEEN ELIZABETH 11 (In England)

Post by Joanna on Mon Apr 16 2012, 10:38

A little taster for you Merlin !



Joanna
George Clooney fan forever!

Posts : 19069
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Re: DECLARATION BY QUEEN ELIZABETH 11 (In England)

Post by it's me on Mon Apr 16 2012, 18:50

nice parties!


Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.

A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine
whether any of you noticed.

LOL!!!!

really funny, thaaaaaanks!!!!!!! Very Happy

it's me
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Re: DECLARATION BY QUEEN ELIZABETH 11 (In England)

Post by Merlin on Mon Apr 16 2012, 19:31

Yes Deb I am! Thanks Joanne but it isn't a Garden Party....its a picnic in the garden and then outside to the concert....

My son saw it on The One Show anybody could apply to go in a draw for tickets...he said to me you would love that Elton John, Paul McCartney, Tom Jones, Annie Lennox..Stevie Wonder...I said no way would we win something like that...but he entered the draw and won!!! And of course he's done his bit by winning but I've had to sort out the trains/hotel LOL...and of course British Rail are doing work that weekend so instead of getting on the train our end and getting off in London we have to go to Manchester first and change adding an extra hour onto the journey!!! Orf with their heads!

Merlin
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Re: DECLARATION BY QUEEN ELIZABETH 11 (In England)

Post by Joanna on Mon Apr 16 2012, 19:40

Sound's Wonderful....pray for a dry day & evening.
Wonder if it'll be on TV?

Have you thought about driving on M6 to Birmingham International Station ?
It's then 1.5 hours to London on the FAST train...can't remember what it's called now...CRS !

.....Oh just fly down Merlin...hang the expense !!!! lol!

Joanna
George Clooney fan forever!

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Re: DECLARATION BY QUEEN ELIZABETH 11 (In England)

Post by Joanna on Mon Apr 16 2012, 20:28



BBC Concert at Buckingham Palace
When
04 June 2012


Where
Buckingham Palace


Dame Shirley Bassey, Sir Elton John and Sir Paul McCartney are just some of the music stars taking to the stage for the BBC concert at Buckingham Palace.
The concert is set to be one of the highlights of the four day bank holiday weekend, which marks the Queen's Diamond Jubilee
and the 60th anniversary of her coronation.

Televised concert Yahooooo

Televised on national television, the BBC concert at
Buckingham Palace is expected to be watched by millions of
music fans over the bank holiday weekend.

However, a lucky few will be able to see the Diamond Jubilee celebration in person, as tickets will be made available to
UK residents by public ballot..... Hoorah! Merlin !

World class acts

Musicians confirmed to be taking part in the BBC concert at Buckingham Palace include veteran performers such as
Dame Shirley Bassey, Sir Elton John and Sir Paul McCartney, alongside up and coming acts such as Ed Sheeran.
The concert is being coordinated by the BBC and
Take That star and X Factor judge Gary Barlow.

Diamond Jubilee celebration

Taking place close to the Queen Victoria Memorial in front of the iconic palace, the one-off BBC concert at Buckingham Palace is bound to be a memorable affair.

Expect plenty of Union Flags waving in the air...By Merlin... as the crowd cheers the world class acts on stage while celebrating the Diamond Jubilee of Queen Elizabeth II.

Joanna
George Clooney fan forever!

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Re: DECLARATION BY QUEEN ELIZABETH 11 (In England)

Post by it's me on Mon Apr 16 2012, 23:23

oh my
I didn't understand it will be the Queen's Diamond Jubilee ! affraid

it's me
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Re: DECLARATION BY QUEEN ELIZABETH 11 (In England)

Post by Merlin on Tue Apr 17 2012, 06:51

I don't drive...have already got our train tickets...so will just take an extra book LOL

http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/2012/feb/07/queen-diamond-jubilee-concert-lineup

It's on TV and radio...

This time the concert will take place in front of the palace, with the stage around the Victoria Monument and raised seating for up to 20,000 people – many of the rest from charities – covering the flowerbeds around the roundabout. The organisers hope that up to another 500,000 people may throng St James's and Green Parks and the Mall in the remote chance of catching a glimpse of the show or to watch on giant screens. Those who opt to stay at home can see it live on BBC1 or listen on Radio 2. It will be broadcast live in the US on the ABC network.

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Re: DECLARATION BY QUEEN ELIZABETH 11 (In England)

Post by Merlin on Tue Apr 17 2012, 06:54

Haha sorry Joanne didn't see your last post...as well as a souvenir picnic basket...we get a rainmac - just love English Summer LOL

Merlin
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Re: DECLARATION BY QUEEN ELIZABETH 11 (In England)

Post by Joanna on Tue Apr 17 2012, 10:37

"Be Prepared" ....Still a good motto.

I've noticed though that quite often anything to do with the Queen outdoors comes with good weather attached.
So you may be OK. LOL

Joanna
George Clooney fan forever!

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Re: DECLARATION BY QUEEN ELIZABETH 11 (In England)

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