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George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

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George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by Merlin on Mon Jan 03 2011, 21:10

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Monday, January 03, 2011

George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors? 7 common reasons. By Dr. Christina Villarreal


Hollywood's most iconic bachelor George Clooney (and two time winner of People magazine's Sexiest Man Alive) is often cited as a 'success story' by high achieving, adult men who choose bachelorhood over marriage. Unlike in past decades, society has become far more accepting of men who remain bachelors. Modern day bachelors are frequently financially successful who have adopted an enjoyable lifestyle on their own, dining in singles-scene restaurants or cooking artfully for one, forgoing family style vacations for jaunts to sexually hedonistic cities like Miami, Rio, or Vegas, indulging in expensive and/or time consuming sports like golf, sailing, or tri-athalon training, and of course, finding time to pursue a wide variety of women for company. While a modern day bachelor may dream of the exceptional woman who could excite and inspire him to forgo all of this, in the meantime, there is no shortage of modern, single women willing to gratify his sexual needs, perhaps hoping to be the one to convert him to marital devotion.

In my professional opinion as a clinical psychologist, I don't see anything wrong with men who feel that a life-long commitment to the same person isn't right for them. Many people lead rich and fulfilling lives having never married. Staying single is a viable choice for people who feel this way, and absolutely the right choice for those that feel marriage would cause them unhappiness. Over the course of providing therapy to men, and discussing this matter extensively with current day bachelors, I have developed an understanding of common reasons why some remain bachelors.

A common myth of the modern day bachelor is that none of them have an interest in committed long-term relationships. Some bachelors believe that they want a committed relationship/marriage ('one day' as many will explain), and can cite a host of reasons why they continue to be single. The central dilemma for these men often lies in the avoidance of hypocrisy. Meaning, while a stable, intimate relationship has it's benefits, the desire for sexual variety and freedom is often greater, so these men feel forced to choose. So the question is, why do some men choose bachelorhood over a committed relationship? These reasons vary greatly in my professional opinion. As Clooney himself has insinuated, relationships are very hard work, and bachelorhood is a strategy to avoid the emotional work necessary for a healthy committed relationship. George Clooney quotes:

"I was in a bar and I said to a friend, `You know, we've become those 40-year-old guys we used to look at and say, `isn't it sad?"

"The holidays are the toughest time for me. I just try to get through them. Being a bachelor has it's rough spots."

"We'd get into a fight and I'd just mentally leave. I'd think, 'In a relationship, we should never have his kind of fight.' Then, instead of figuring out how to make it work, I looked for a way to get out of it. The truth is, you shouldn't be married if your that kind of person."


7 Common reasons bachelors forgo committed relationships and marriage:

1. Emotions and relationships aren't always logical. A healthy marriage requires the ability to experience and manage strong emotions while problem solving. While many men are quite successful at problem-solving and managing conflicts in their work roles and male friendships, they find that intimate relationships do not always follow the same logical path to resolution. These men often develop a disdain for personal relationships that do not feel 'logical' because they feel confused and unsuccessful at managing them.

2. Sexual boredom. Some bachelors fear the time when they can no longer confirm their virility through sexual conquests. When a man's self-esteem is closely tied to accruing new sexual encounters, he is bound to feel a tremendous blow to his ego if he cannot pursue the 'emotional high' that is often associated with winning a new woman's affection as evidence that he's still 'got it'.

3. Perceived loss of freedom and control. Many bachelors feel they can't fully be themselves unless they remain unattached to a woman, who they believe will undoubtedly try to control him. Even compromise that is essential to any healthy relationship can feel like a loss of power when a bachelor anticipates a 'take over' from the woman he's dating. Others grow weary of taking on responsibilities for anyone other than themselves (i.e. the old ball and chain.) Bachelors find support for their fears by pointing to married men who have far less time for male-centered activities, and can no longer make financial decisions that only benefit themselves.

4. Avoidance of marital disasters. To estimate his chances of marital success a bachelor often looks to his family and married friends as a prediction of his future. He will often zero in on examples of marital failure- married men who feel compelled to cheat, others who abandoned their children, or married couples who argue and fight over everything. Rather than subject himself to experience these marital disasters with someone he genuinely cares for, he rationalizes that remaining single is a much safer bet.

5. Absence of healthy marriage in childhood. Many bachelors cite an absent father or father-figure in their childhood as a reason for not developing the skills necessary to contribute to a healthy marriage. Others witnessed a father who was repeatedly unfaithful and unhappy in his marital life. These bachelors feel that without a good model to draw from, they are destined to become part of an inevitable, familial chain of marital failure.

6. Difficulty balancing professional goals with marriage. It's not uncommon for men to wait until they've achieved some level of occupational stability and success before choosing to settle down with a partner. Yet some men fear that a marriage and/or family will directly hinder them from making the career strides they envision for themselves (i.e. 'the workaholic'), and have difficulty accepting that it is possible to have both simultaneously.

7. Misogynistic or devaluing beliefs towards women. In my professional experience, a subset of bachelors share an ideology that women are inherently inferior to men, and aren't worthy of a man's commitment. Their beliefs prevent them from having enough respect for women to engage in a loving, committed relationship. They tend to view all women as opportunistic "gold diggers" who are incapable of contributing meaningfully to a man's life. The origins of their disrespect may come from dysfunctional relationships with their own mother, who they may have experienced as negligent, unloving, overly dependent on an abusive man, or otherwise poor caregivers.

Can bachelors like George Clooney be reformed? (women around the world are holding their breath as they read below)

Many bachelors will wait to until they're old, bald, and/or grey and in need of a nurse before considering giving up their bachelorhood status- typically when the benefits of bachelorhood are no longer in reach (unless they're the Hugh Hefner sort, and can buy a young woman's company). Others will choose to bite the bullet and do it earlier so that they're not constantly mistaken for their girlfriend's grandfather.

However there IS hope! Psychotherapy with a trained mental health professional such as myself can often help men overcome their commitment fears of marriage. How does this work? A good therapist will gently extract a detailed family and dating history, in order to pinpoint precisely when and how the running dialogue in a man's mind became "I'm better suited to bachelorhood. I need variety more than intimacy. I'm not cut out for married life." Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is a highly effective clinical road map for treatment, if a healthy, committed relationship is the desired outcome. And when I say commitment, I don't mean just to a woman/partner, but to himself. A commitment to giving himself the opportunity to experience and receive deep intimacy, trust, acceptance of imperfection of yourself and another person, and most obviously, love.

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by PigLove on Mon Jan 03 2011, 21:22

Great article! Thanks (again and again) Merlin.

In GTC's case, I hope that his main reason isn't #7, although I fear sometimes that it is. I really do worry that he hates women (not in a gay way). Think of all the gold-digging trollops that have been throwing themselves at him for 25 years in Hollywood. You almost couldn't blame him.

I said TROLLOP!!! Smile

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by it's me on Mon Jan 03 2011, 21:45

oh!! affraid

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by Merlin on Mon Jan 03 2011, 21:56

I think it's No 6......

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by it's me on Mon Jan 03 2011, 22:10

A commitment to giving himself the opportunity to experience and receive deep intimacy, trust, acceptance of imperfection of yourself and another person, and most obviously, love.
interesting statement
yes

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by it's me on Mon Jan 03 2011, 22:23

25 years of chicks throwing at him? What a Face ouch!

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by melbert on Mon Jan 03 2011, 22:36

PigLove, you said TROLLOP!!!!!!

My opinion:
#1 - kinda
#2, 3, 4 and 6 - definitely
#5 - not, I don't think (at least not his parents)
#7 - partly, but not the part about his mother as I believe he adores her.

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by it's me on Mon Jan 03 2011, 22:41

don't agree with you mel
- - -
forgot: this is a BIG TRUTH
Emotions and relationships aren't always logical.

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by melbert on Mon Jan 03 2011, 22:50

It's Me - I respect your opinion. I was just giving MY opinion. And, I do agree with you that these things are not always logical.

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by PigLove on Tue Jan 04 2011, 00:04

Mel -- I agree with you, although I think "It's Me" is right that #1 is more of a "definitely" than a "kinda." He doesn't have a lot of time and energy left over for negotiating with emotions.

Here's my controversial question: Do we know it's not #5 (at least partly)? G has hinted that things weren't always perfect at the Clooney home in his youth. His parents have a very traditional marriage, and are Catholic, so divorce may not have been an option. N&N have mellowed into old age together beautifully (an unsung benefit of refusing to divorce), but that doesn't mean that it was always perfect wedded bliss. We don't know, and we'll probably never know. But it's worth a wonder...

TROLLOP! TROLLOP! TROLLOP!

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by melbert on Tue Jan 04 2011, 00:11

I think that he wants us to believe he seems the way he is so he doesn't have to answer to anybody. That way he can trollop his little heart out with all the trollops he wants and that's all we expect from him.

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by it's me on Tue Jan 04 2011, 00:28

huf! Rolling Eyes

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by PigLove on Tue Jan 04 2011, 00:32

Nobody trollops better than George!

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by bunny on Tue Jan 04 2011, 00:35

I think its #3

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by it's me on Tue Jan 04 2011, 01:26

PigLove wrote:Nobody trollops better than George!
silent

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by Snoopy on Tue Jan 04 2011, 01:52

Hard to say which one fits, it could be a little bit of each one. He adores his mother, that is obvious, but does he wonder if his father treated her the way he feels she should have been treated? Nick and Nina seem great and very much a couple but one never knows how he viewed things.

Profressional commitments, yes, fear of losing control, yes, and the man definitely has been chased by golddiggers.

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by CarraVogue on Tue Jan 04 2011, 02:19

Personally, I don't think it's as complicated as the author of the article states. She is viewing bachelorhood as a disorder that needs to be cured with cognitive behavioral therapy. For myself and other people I know (male & female) who have chosen not to marry, being single is just a life choice. The way I look at it, there are pros & cons to being married and being single. One lifestyle isn't better than the other-it comes down to what path you want your life to take, what your personal priorities are and what lifestyle makes you happiest. I know married people who have said to me they wished they had stayed single. And I've known single people who really think there is something wrong with them because they aren't married. What it comes down to is, are you living the life that you want for yourself? If George stays a bachelor, I believe it is because he wants to. He has been married before and has said he won't marry again. I can take him at his word without thinking he needs to be "cured of bachelorhood". I wonder what the author has to say about women who don't want to get married.


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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by Snoopy on Tue Jan 04 2011, 02:37

Good points CarraVogue, marriage isn't for everyone. It takes a while for society to change, people often question when couples or woman don't want children, same concept. Parenthood isn't for everyone and that is a personal choice. I know a bachelor who is like George and content with no children or wife. Woman who don't get married used to be considered 'old maids' and i think that has changed, albeit very slowly.

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by Merlin on Tue Jan 04 2011, 07:13

Off topic....Love your Snoopy avatar Snoopy Very Happy

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by Vi on Tue Jan 04 2011, 07:14

me2

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by Guest on Tue Jan 04 2011, 11:48

@Carravogue - “If George stays a bachelor, I believe it is because he wants to.” Spot on and good post. And so much more succinct than the author of the above piece!

She has too much time on her hands imo, all the unnecessary over-analysis and contradictions. She says at the beginning -

I don't see anything wrong with men who feel that a life-long commitment to the same person isn't right for them.

And then goes on to contradict herself -

Psychotherapy with a trained mental health professional such as myself can often help men overcome their commitment fears of marriage.


Aw. Poor little traumatised men! Either there’s nothing wrong with it and nothing more needs to be said or it’s a shocking and terrible state of affairs generated by earlier boo-hoo trauma and needs clinical attention. Author reveals her own bias on this by her ‘I can help them see the light’ conclusion, with no acknowledgment that they may stay single because they‘ve seen the light and realise it suits them better. Frankly, any man that needs to be counselled and cajoled into a relationship is not one worth having a relationship with.

And it would be interesting to see a similar analysis of why women stay single. I suspect it would be as ‘enlightening’ as the above.

(BTW, no worries re the one-eyed bed avatar!)

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by melbert on Tue Jan 04 2011, 13:40

Great summations Carra and Caged!

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by Katiedot on Tue Jan 04 2011, 13:50

While I completely agree with every word, Caged and Carra, I somehow disagree entirely with you both!

I'm going with a gut feeling here, so this may be a vaguely articulated post {hah! when aren't my posts vague?!].

I do'nt think that the author does see anything wrong with men enjoying permanent bachelorhood, however she does note that it's not the norm and goes on to give some very good reasons for why men may choose to remain single.

I don't think her statements are particularly judgemental or negative, just explanations of one type of behaviour.

As for the clumsy "and I have the cure for these bachelors" at the end, yes I agree it's clumsy and contradictory, but I think it's more a question of self-promotion that's been poorly phrased, rather than as part of the article.

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by Guest on Tue Jan 04 2011, 14:02

Ha! Smile Katie, I think I just eye-rolled my way through the article because I just found it so trite and full of the bleedin' obvious, which is why CarraV's ' because he wants to' hit the spot so well. There's nothing new there than hasn't been said countless times before and I did think she laboured the point terribly with her '7 considerations' as to why men stay single, as if those points have never seen the light of day before, as if she alone holds the secret to the 'trauma' behind the enternal bachelor. Just how it read to me.

Cheers, Mel! Smile

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by Lighterside on Tue Jan 04 2011, 14:42

Roman Catholic theology has always taught that there are options for vocations in life; the married life, the priesthood and the SINGLE life, which can be a life dedicated to the service of God and others but doesn't have to be the only way single life is lived. So for more than two millenia it's been acceptable for both sexes to elect to be unmarried throughout a lifetime.

There are as many reasons to not get married, as there are to get married and you don't have to be considered damaged or deficient in some way because you choose to live in a manner that makes YOU happy, without reference to what the rest of the world is doing with their own lives. This need for everyone to fall into percise categories and neat little boxes with pretty labels that make other people happy is nonsense. People live their lives to suit themselves and their immediate and long term needs. When those needs change or the circumstances of their lives change, there's a shift and not a second before then, and certainly not to please other people.

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by PigLove on Tue Jan 04 2011, 20:33

And we can't forget that GTC has MANY long-term relationships in his life:
* The Boys
* Max pig
* His family (including Miguel/cousins, and his niece/nephew)
* Biz Partners like RandE and Steven Soderbergh
* Stan

Clearly, he doesn't have a problem with some kind of commitment, although none of it seems to be with women (aside from family).

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by melbert on Tue Jan 04 2011, 21:22

And maybe that is fulfilling enough for him, which is totally okay. If he needs some "short-term commitment", he certainly knows where to go for that, which is also okay.

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by NewFanForever on Thu Mar 13 2014, 02:16

Bumping up some interesting reading.

To be truthful...Whether a confirmed bachelor or not GC....is coming up to an age where partners are starting to lose each other anyway and facing singledom...so it won't be looking that usual.

iMo

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NOT A BACHELOR!!!!!!

Post by moniquevander on Thu Mar 13 2014, 02:23

The basis of the question starts out mistaken... he's not a bachelor, he could never be described as a bachelor after his late 20's.... he's a DIVORCEE
jeez
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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by NewFanForever on Thu Mar 13 2014, 02:26

moniquevander wrote:The basis of the question starts out mistaken... he's not a bachelor, he could never be described as a bachelor after his late 20's.... he's a DIVORCEE
jeez
monique

Hate the word Divorce or Divorcee...sounds so horrible..to be called that the rest of your life would be Yuk!...iMo

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by Katiedot on Thu Mar 13 2014, 06:52

I think you're being a little technical there Monique. Yes, he's a divorce, but I think it's kind of understood that bachelor in this context means someone who's not married and not planning to marry, not specifically only those who've never been married.

I think George hasn't remarried because in his view, there are not great advantages to marrying that he doesn't already have in his life.

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by Carla97 on Thu Mar 13 2014, 07:56

Well if a clinical psychologist doesn't see anything wrong with men who feel that a life-long commitment to the same person isn't right for them, then there is nothing wrong with them. Period.

I have always thought bachelor in this context means unmarried man. A man who is not married at the moment. For women it doesn´t work that way, once they have divorced they won´t be single anymore, but divorcee (carrying the stigma, unfortunately).

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by Joanna on Thu Mar 13 2014, 10:45

Female Divorcee a Stigma ? I don't think so.

In many cases it shows that a woman has grown out of a marriage and is prepared to stand on her own two feet and not need a man in her life to feel whole. Especially financially.

IMO there's a stigma attached to women who go from one man to another and another because they feel valueless without a man or need a meal ticket.

That sounds a bit garbled I'm afraid. Lol

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by What Would He Say on Thu Mar 13 2014, 11:03

Now here’s the funny thing...AHWS....

I am a lifelong Bachelor or Spinster as we girls are referred to.  I read this late last night, and what a read.  Definitely three points would cover me.  So maybe all this applies to any man or any woman....not just George.

Point1) “manage strong emotions”.

That line made me shudder, I can’t stand “The row” the disagreement, if I can’t just talk to someone I’m out, I can’t stand “The pout & The Stand off”.
Yes, she is right, I can’t manage the relationship, and I don’t want to have too. Up to now I have never met a man that made that possible.


Point 3) “Perceived loss of freedom and control. Many bachelors feel they can't fully be themselves unless they remain unattached to a woman, who they believe will undoubtedly try to control him.”

Horrible one this, but yea...it’s true, I don’t consciencely think it...but you know it’s there. I suppose if I had to be an honest injun, then yea, deep down.


Point 6) “Difficulty balancing professional goals with marriage”.

I would add in there “relationships to family and friends”.  Obligations, that would have been present before the man.  When I have been swept off my feet dropping my clothes was always a lot easier than dropping my family, friends and work.... Does that mean my priorities are screwed up....possibly.

Interesting read.

Kindest regards

WWHS
Spinster of the Parish.


PS. Just incase you are feeling sorry for me, I am nearing the end of a project at work.  Sunday I sat down to decide where I was heading off to on my holliers. I’m heading to the Caribbean, bizarrely/coincidently did think about Dubai for a nano second ... but I just want a real palm tree, and an empty deserted beach.  So you see, even George would have fallen at this fence. (He would probably have pouted for Dubai, the Las Vagas of the east. No no no a 'lil bit of solitude is bliss.)

Greeny for JO.... X

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by Joanna on Thu Mar 13 2014, 11:23

Caribbean sounds just right for you wwhs.  Coolio 
Hope it's soon ?

Oh thanks for greeny. Lol

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by annemarie on Thu Mar 13 2014, 12:41

I think George is a bachelor because he wants to be. He has been married and realized that it was not for him. Not everyone is made for marriage. I also think his work has come first for a long time that may be changing. I think when and if the right woman comes along he will have a longer relationship.

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by NewFanForever on Thu Mar 13 2014, 13:07

I was waiting at the doctors and got talking to a lady..she was saying her son was actually the same age as GC 52......he was also married and divorced very young when he didn't have much.

Now he just has girlfriends etc...because he has seen so many of his friends divorce and loose a lot...and doesn't want to got through that and loose his home at this age.

So GC is not usual there as there are average guys in the same situation as him.


Last edited by NewFanForever on Thu Mar 13 2014, 13:17; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : adding)

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by LizzyNY on Thu Mar 13 2014, 19:32

Interesting article, but on reflection it strikes me sort of like the pshchic who asks if you know someone whose name starts with a "D". Well, pretty much everyone does if they think about it.

I think most people, men and women, have some (if not all) of her seven "reasons" in them to some extent. IMO, circumstances dictate how much they influence us at any given time or in any given relationship.

What I am sure of is that you can never really get inside another person's head. Only they know why they do the things they do. I've seen "great" marriages fall apart and people who everyone thought would marry and have a dozen kids stay single and happy. This is not a one-size-fits-all world.

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by happycat on Thu Mar 13 2014, 20:44

As my son so sarcastically pointed out to me when this subject was brought up: Why should he get married? He can have and do whatever he wants without having to make sacrifices because of a relationship. It made me feel sad but I can't deny the truth of the statement.

happycat
Clooney virgin

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by Butterfly on Thu Mar 13 2014, 20:52

I think that single people should also have their own movement to protect their dignity, just like other groups like gays etc.

I can't believe that in the 21st century we are still judging single people like they have some kind of disease. Personally, I don't think all human beings must live in pairs. Some people are happier, more creative and productive when free. Not alone but free. Being free is wonderful!  Very Happy  In my view, George is that kind of person and I love him.  lip smack Give Flowers2

Butterfly
Shooting hoops with George Clooney

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Location : European Union

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by it's me on Thu Mar 13 2014, 21:02

i think a woman near to him
can make him happy  I love you 

it's me
George Clooney fan forever!

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by amaretti on Thu Mar 13 2014, 21:30

Give Flowers 

amaretti
Practically on first name terms with Mr Clooney

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

Post by Nicky80 on Fri Mar 14 2014, 21:45

Love4

Nicky80
Casamigos with Mr Clooney

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Re: George Clooney: why do some men remain bachelors?

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