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March general chit chat

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Re: March general chit chat

Post by it's me on Thu 29 Mar 2012, 13:08

Exclamation
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Re: March general chit chat

Post by MyGirlKylie on Thu 29 Mar 2012, 16:42

Como in June, you say, Katie? I'll meet you there, I've been saving my sock puppet money. Plus, George gave me a 'raise' recently. Wink wink, nudge nudge. Wink

Have a great time, Joanna.


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Re: March general chit chat

Post by Joanna on Thu 29 Mar 2012, 23:59

A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have
an oil shortage here in Britain .
~~~
Well, there's a very simple answer.
~~~
Nobody bothered to check the oil.
~~~
We just didn't know we were getting low.
~~~
The reason for that is purely geographical.
~~~
Our OIL is located in The North Sea
~~~
All Our DIPSTICKS are located in Westminster !!!

Any Questions ???

NO? I didn't think so!!

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Re: March general chit chat

Post by melbert on Fri 30 Mar 2012, 03:12

Katie, what's that they say about a square peg in a round hole?
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Re: March general chit chat

Post by LornaDoone on Fri 30 Mar 2012, 04:50

pattygirl wrote:LD, Casa Clooney is his house in LA. His home in Laglio is Villa L'Oleandra.

Well technically, anywhere George hangs his coat could be called Casa Clooney!

But that's even better SC is sure a lot closer than Como! And I seriously fell in love with his kitchen so hopping the freeway to his house & saving all that "sock-puppet" money I've been earning would be great!

Can I still have Gio pick me up and drive me there? HA!

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Re: March general chit chat

Post by Joanna on Fri 30 Mar 2012, 13:17

Tickle Me Elmo:

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the
Tickle Me Elmo toys.
The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door.
The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee. He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself,
so the 2 men march down to the factory floor.

They look at Lena....
She has a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself together and approaches Lena.

"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face,
"but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday..."

"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles."
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Re: March general chit chat

Post by it's me on Fri 30 Mar 2012, 13:43

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o4x-VW_rCSE
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Re: March general chit chat

Post by Lakin460 on Fri 30 Mar 2012, 16:05

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE AND THINKING, SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD.

WELL . . . YOU'LL LOVE THIS ONE.



MY NAME IS ALICE , AND I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW DENTIST.


I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA ON THE WALL, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME. SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 30-ODD YEARS AGO.


COULD HE BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?


UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.


THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE.


AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL ..


'YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG,' HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.


WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?' I ASKED.


HE ANSWERED, 'IN 1965. WHY DO YOU ASK?'


YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!', I EXCLAIMED.


HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.


THEN, THAT UGLY,


OLD,


BALD,


WRINKLED FACED,


FAT-ASSED,


GRAY-HAIRED,


DECREPIT


SON-OF-A- . . . .


ASKED,



'WHAT DID YOU TEACH???
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Re: March general chit chat

Post by cindigirl on Fri 30 Mar 2012, 16:28

ROFL at joke Lakin. Goes to show you, age is a very delicate subject. LOL
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Re: March general chit chat

Post by it's me on Fri 30 Mar 2012, 17:59

ROTFL LOOOOOOOOOL!!!!
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Re: March general chit chat

Post by it's me on Fri 30 Mar 2012, 18:12

talking about age


she is....

http://video.repubblica.it/sport/germania-la-ginnasta-che-sorprende-ha-86-anni/91579/89972?ref=HREV-3

86
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Re: March general chit chat

Post by melbert on Fri 30 Mar 2012, 19:33

Brava Germania!!!! Wow, I can't even move that good NOW!
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Re: March general chit chat

Post by Lakin460 on Fri 30 Mar 2012, 20:49

Wow! Bravo for the geriatric gymnast! Sheesh!

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Re: March general chit chat

Post by it's me on Fri 30 Mar 2012, 20:58

hope il buon Dio
=God
let me arrive at this age

LIKE THAT! Yahooooo Love3
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Re: March general chit chat

Post by cindigirl on Fri 30 Mar 2012, 21:28

I just came back from shopping and walking with my shopping cart I noticed some sparrows in the parking lot, reached into my grocery bag and fed them some bread. I'm not usually not as looney as that but the birds looked so hungry. So this guy gives me the snake eye and told me to move away from his car. A total jerkwad who thinks just because he has an Infinity he can boss me around. So - moral of the story - no good deed goes unpunished.
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Re: March general chit chat

Post by Joanna on Fri 30 Mar 2012, 21:41

But the little birds loved you for their dinner cindi.

Ummmm....what's a jerkwad and what's an Infinity
please ??? lol!
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Re: March general chit chat

Post by cindigirl on Fri 30 Mar 2012, 21:45

Hi Joanna - a jerkwad is (I guess) a New Jersey reference to a person who thinks they are better than anyone else.

And an Infinity is a car that probably costs more than my condo. LOL
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Re: March general chit chat

Post by Joanna on Fri 30 Mar 2012, 21:55

Aaaaah....thanks for the explanation cindi.
Many of those type of cars passed my lovely Auto Focus on the motorway coming back from holiday.
But not for me....unless I could afford a driver too.... Too difficult to park at the supermarket for me ! lol!
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Re: March general chit chat

Post by Joanna on Fri 30 Mar 2012, 21:58

Freya was driving her Chevrolet Vega home in New Mexico when she saw an elderly Apache woman walking along the side of the road.
She stopped the car and asked the woman if she would like a lift?

With a silent nod, the woman climbed into the car.
Freya tried in vain to make conversation with the Apache woman.

The old Apache looked closely at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a red gift bag
on the seat next to Freya.

'What's in the bag?' asked the old woman.

'It's a bottle of whisky that I got for my husband.'

The Apache woman was silent for another minute or two.
Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said,
'Good trade.'
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Re: March general chit chat

Post by it's me on Fri 30 Mar 2012, 22:02

LOL!

(went to the supermarket me too
this evening
and what a warm temperature
even at around 9! awwwwwwwwwwwww)
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Re: March general chit chat

Post by Atalante on Fri 30 Mar 2012, 22:03

This is our prime minister acting like a Clooney : LINK So what do you guys think of us Belgians ? Basketball
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Re: March general chit chat

Post by Joanna on Fri 30 Mar 2012, 22:04

Someone's been spying on me....but not at a Day Centre with others.....just me !



Drive on....Classic Car Tale

A group of pensioners were discussing their medical problems
at the Day Centre coffee morning.

'Do you realise,' said one, 'My arm is so weak I can hardly
hold this coffee cup.'

'Yes, I know.' replied the second, 'My cataracts are so bad I can't see to pour the coffee.'

'I can't turn my head,' rejoined the third, 'because of the
arthritis in my neck.
'I guess that's the price we pay for getting old.'

'Well, it's not all bad.' piped up the first,

'We should be thankful that we can still drive.'

Yahooooo
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Re: March general chit chat

Post by Joanna on Fri 30 Mar 2012, 22:06

Atalante wrote:This is our prime minister acting like a Clooney : LINK So what do you guys think of us Belgians ? Basketball



lol! ...he must have a splinter .... lol!

Nice spectacles though !
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Re: March general chit chat

Post by Atalante on Fri 30 Mar 2012, 22:42

Let's just say he's a bit WEIRD ! geek
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Re: March general chit chat

Post by it's me on Fri 30 Mar 2012, 22:55

George is not like him! Oi, you!

the weird thing is that this man constantly look at his hands
sooooo close!
without looking at the people
he is talking to!
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Re: March general chit chat

Post by MyGirlKylie on Sat 31 Mar 2012, 00:30

cindigirl wrote:I just came back from shopping and walking with my shopping cart I noticed some sparrows in the parking lot, reached into my grocery bag and fed them some bread. I'm not usually not as looney as that but the birds looked so hungry. So this guy gives me the snake eye and told me to move away from his car. A total jerkwad who thinks just because he has an Infinity he can boss me around. So - moral of the story - no good deed goes unpunished.

Too bad the birds didn't shit on him or his stupid car. Wink
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Re: March general chit chat

Post by Cinderella on Sat 31 Mar 2012, 12:16

Hi MyGirlKylie! Sorry I haven't had time to say Hi! Missed ya! I hope everything is going well for you! Any new news?

To all the jokesters, Thanks for all the jokes!
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Re: March general chit chat

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