With the census, all men really are equal

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Only a small George mention...but I thought the article was quite funny....

With the census, all men really are equal
By Mitch Clarke

The Census Bureau began releasing the first sets of data for the 2010 count last week, and, I'm not ashamed to admit, I was excited to see the results.

I like the census. It's fair. At least once every 10 years, everybody in America is equal. We all count the same. One.

On Census Day, for instance, I'm equal to George Clooney.
Imagine that. George Clooney, with his eleventy billion dollars in the bank, his pretty-boy good looks and the phone numbers of every supermodel and actress in Hollywood, is equal to li'l ol' Mitch Clarke, who has $11.75 in his checking account and doesn't know any supermodels or actresses, unless you count my friend who was the lead in "Li'l Abner" in high school.

The U.S. Constitution requires that, every 10 years, the government count the number of people living here.

Quite a few people have a problem with this. They argue that the Census Bureau's forms and their companion, the American Community Survey, invade our privacy by asking questions that are none of the government's business.

They ask us questions about what kind of house we live in and how much we paid for it. They ask how much money we make. They ask questions about our mental and physical stability.

I understand those privacy concerns. I don't like anyone, especially the government, butting into my business.

On the other hand, answers given to the census and the American Community Survey give us important statistics that will help us better understand the American way of life. It also is the only way I know to get answers to a few burning questions that have been gnawing at me.

For instance:

-- In 1980, the Census Bureau caught a lot of grief for asking people if they had indoor plumbing. Do they still ask that question? And if so, did any of my friends answer "no?" This is very important. I need to know before I accept their invitation to dinner.

-- How many people in America are named "Mitch Clarke," and do any of them date supermodels or actresses?

-- Do all of them have indoor plumbing?

-- How many people in America are named "George Clooney" and are any of them editors of a newspaper?

-- How many people in America are named "Ochocinco?"

-- Does anyone really live in North Dakota?

-- Under "current or most recent job activity," did anyone answer "professional bourbon taster." One day, I may need to change jobs, and I'd like to know all my options.
Does anyone still drive a Yugo? What about a Ford Pinto?

-- Is it true that Tiger Woods' ex-wife was actually the leading money winner on the PGA Tour last year?

-- Did Lady Gaga check the "male" or "female" box on the census form?

-- Exactly how many teenagers are there in, like, America, and when will they, like, grow up so they'll stop using the word "like," like, five times in a sentence, like, you know? Under "place of birth," how many people wrote, "On an interstate off-ramp in the back seat of a Buick?" It seems to happen a lot on TV and I'm curious if it happens much in real life.

-- What did the cast of "Jersey Shores" list as their occupations?

-- How many people have college degrees, and do any of them remember who won the Punic Wars?

-- Did anyone's answers explain why about 6 million people choose to live in metro Atlanta where there is crime, pollution and traffic, yet only a few thousand live in my hometown, where the air is clean, the land is undeveloped and people are actually nice to each other?

-- How many people actually live in America, and how can you assure me that the federal government, which can't perform simple math and balance its own checkbook, can be trusted to have counted every one of us correctly?

Great story - funny!!!!

Very good questions and a new way to think of the census. A funny way to look at what people think is intrusive.