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» George Clooney e Amal Alamuddin in Francia, ecco il loro nido
General Chitchat for November - Page 5 EmptySun 17 Mar 2024, 22:18 by party animal - not!

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» George Clooney makes the effort to show his fans that he appreciates them
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» What Happened?
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» George and Amal in France with new St Bernard puppy
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» George on the Letterman Show
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» George and Amal with a new puppy
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» Amal new book on freedom of speech released
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» George's kids don't know hes famous yet....
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General Chitchat for November

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Post by cindigirl Tue 22 Nov 2011, 21:25

Bad economy means another scaled-back Thanksgiving
Tue Nov 22, 02:16 PM

Some are holding potluck dinners instead of springing for the entire feast. Others are staying home rather than flying. And a few are skipping the turkey altogether.

On this the fourth Thanksgiving since the economy sank, prices for everything from airline flights to groceries are going up, and some Americans are scaling back. Yet in many households, the occasion is too important to skimp on.

Thanksgiving airfares are up 20 percent this year. And the average price of a gallon of gas has risen almost 20 percent.

But even those who choose to stay home and cook for themselves will probably spend more. The American Farm Bureau Federation says a 16-pound turkey and all the trimmings will cost an average of $49.20, a 13 percent jump from last year.

This is indeed a sad state we're in

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Post by MyGirlKylie Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:41

I don't know about you guys but we've always done the potluck thing. That way one person isn't doing all the cooking.

Happy thanksgiving to all you fine George loving' ladies.

I may be MIA for a bit. My mother found out yesterday That she has breast cancer. We meet with a surgeon next Wednesday to find out the plan of action. So the next few days we're going to try to enjoy the holiday and put one foot in front of the other and hopefully make it through all this. Will stay in touch and peek in from time to time when I can.


Last edited by MyGirlKylie on Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:51; edited 1 time in total
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Post by Joanna Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:50

My best wishes for your mother's treatment, MyGirlKylie
and I hope all will go well.

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Post by Natascha Wed 23 Nov 2011, 13:51

I'm sorry to hear about your mother. I hope and pray for you that she will get well again.

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Post by sadDonkey Wed 23 Nov 2011, 14:22


OMG MyGirlKylie
I am so sorry to hear that. I wish you and your mother the strength needed to get through this difficult time. If you need to talk, we are here for you.

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Post by pattygirl Wed 23 Nov 2011, 14:47

MGK, my prayers are with you and your mother. You will keep each other strong and keep an optimistic view. God watch over you and your family as always. Have the happiest Thanksgiving possible and keep your chin up. Give Flowers
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Post by cindigirl Wed 23 Nov 2011, 16:01

So sorry to hear about your mom MyGirl. Please try to keep an optimistic attitude. Many cancers when caught in time can be successfully treated. Keep in touch and let us know how things go.
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Post by Cinderella Wed 23 Nov 2011, 16:20

@MyGirlKylie I will say a prayer for your Mother! And one for you and the rest of your family. Spending time together over Thanksgiving will be good for you. I'll be thinking of you!
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Post by Katiedot Wed 23 Nov 2011, 16:37

@MGK: so sorry to hear about your mum. Sending lots of good vibes your way and hope everything goes well.

Hey everyone! It's coming up to our first anniversary soon: this forum will be one year old on 6 December. Any suggestions on how we should celebrate?
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Post by cindigirl Wed 23 Nov 2011, 16:59

I have a suggestion - let's invite George to a party and show him how real women would treat him. LOL

Welcome back Katie - Hope you had fun and it's soooogood to hear from you again.
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Post by zizi Wed 23 Nov 2011, 17:14

@MGK : so sorry about your mother. I am sure that everything will go well. Keep strong. Give Flowers


Last edited by zizi on Wed 23 Nov 2011, 17:17; edited 1 time in total

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Post by blubelle Wed 23 Nov 2011, 17:15

Hope all goes well for your mom MGK. There have been tremendous strides made in the treatment of breast cancer.
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Post by it's me Wed 23 Nov 2011, 19:57

esatto
keep thinking optimistic thoughts!
big hugs to you too Hug1 Hug1 Hug1 Hug1 Hug1 Hug1 Hug1
and your relatives
it's me
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Post by cindigirl Wed 23 Nov 2011, 20:11

I got up this morning and heard nothing but Christmas songs on the radio. For a moment I thought, good grief how long have I been sleeping? LOL
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Post by it's me Wed 23 Nov 2011, 20:57

enough Cindi!
and don't tell I didn't alert you Flashing
it's me
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Post by pattygirl Wed 23 Nov 2011, 21:02











KIDS IN CHURCH


======================================================

3-year-old Reese : 'Our Father, Who does art in heaven,
Harold is His name. Amen.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A little boy was overheard praying:
'Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it.
I'm having a real good time like I am.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After the christening of his baby brother in church,
Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied,
'That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home,
and I wanted to stay with you guys.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One particular four-year-old prayed,
'And forgive us our trash baskets
as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A Sunday school teacher asked her children as they
were on the way to church service, 'And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?'
One bright little girl replied,
'Because people are sleeping.'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson..
'If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
' Ryan , you be Jesus !'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A father was at the beach with his children
when the four-year-old son ran up to him,
grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore
where a seagull lay dead in the sand..
'Daddy, what happened to him?' the son asked.
'He died and went to Heaven,' the Dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
'Did God throw him back down?'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A wife invited some people to dinner..
At the table, she turned to their six-year-old daughter and said,
'Would you like to say the blessing?'
'I wouldn't know what to say,' the girl replied.
'Just say what you hear Mommy say,' the wife answered.
The daughter bowed her head and said,
'Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?'

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And if you don't send this to at least 8 people ----- who cares!
Peace, love and happiness
























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Post by cindigirl Wed 23 Nov 2011, 21:08

ROFL patty. I especially like the last one. From the mouth of babes.
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Post by pattygirl Wed 23 Nov 2011, 21:15

This is more readily appreciated by Americans but I hope is not taken as offensive to ANY ITALIANS. We Americans love our Italian friends, relatives and acquaintances. While these itiocincracies may not occur in Italy, in USA they are alive and well, joked about and appreciated. Some are overstated a bit, but basically true nonetheless.


E ye- Talian

Do you know why most men from Italy are named Tony?
On the boat over to America they put a sticker on them that said TO NY(To New York).

You know you're Italian when . . .

You can bench press 325 pounds. Shave twice a day and still cry when your mother yells at you.

You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can't fit two cappicola sandwiches, 4 oranges, 2 bananas and pizzelles into a regular lunch bag.

Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant, travel agent and lawyer are all your cousins.

You have at least 5 cousins living in the same town or on the same block. All five of those cousins are named after your grandfather or grandmother.

You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners.

You only get one good shave from a disposable razor.

If someone in your family grows beyond 5'9", it is presumed his Mother had an affair.

There were more than 28 people in your bridal party.

You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.

And you REALLY, REALLYknow you're Italian when . . .

Your grandfather had a fig tree.

You eat Sunday dinner at 2:00.

Christmas Eve . . . only fish.

Your mom's meatballs are the best.

You've been hit with a wooden spoon or had a shoe thrown at you.

Clear plastic covers on all the furniture.

You know how to pronounce "manicotti" and "mozzarella" .

You fight over whether it's called "sauce" or "gravy".

You've called someone a "mamaluke".

And you understand "bada bing".

This is why I love the Italian culture. They are very natural and earthy. Please enjoy this truth about Italians. Enjoy!

Italians have a $40,000 kitchen, but use the $259 stove from Sears in the basement to cook.

There is some sort of religious statue in the hallway, living room, bedroom, front porch and backyard.

The living room is filled with old wedding favors with poofy net bows and stale almonds (they are too pretty to open).

A portrait of the Pope and Frank Sinatra hang in the dining room.

God forbid if anyone EVER attempted to eat 'Chef Boy-ar-dee' 'Franco American', 'Ragu', 'Prego', or anything else labeled as Italian in a jar or can.

Meatballs are made with pork, veal and beef. Italians do not care about cholesterol.

Turkey isserved on Thanksgiving AFTER the manicotti, gnocchi, lasagna, and minestrone or escarole soup.

If anyone EVER says ESCAROLE, slap 'em in the face -- it's SHCAROLE.

Sunday dinner was at 1:00 PM sharp. The meal went like this:

The table was set with everyday dishes. It doesn't matter if they don't match. They're clean; what more do you want? All the utensils go on the right side of the plate and the napkin goes on the left.

A clean kitchen towel was put at Nonna's & Papa's plates because they won't use napkins.

Homemade wine and bottles of 7-UP are on the table.

First course, Antipasto. Change plates. Second course, macaroni. All pasta was called macaroni. Change plates. Third course, roast beef, potatoes and vegetables. Change plates. THEN, and only then - NEVER AT THE BEGINNING OF THE MEAL - would you eat the salad drenched in homemade oil & vinegar dressing. Change plates.
Next course, fruit & nuts - in the shell - on paper plates because you ran out of the real ones. Last was coffee with anisette espresso for Nonna, 'American' coffee for the rest - with hard cookies (biscotti) to dunk in the coffee.

The kids would go out to play.

The men would go lay down. They slept so soundly that you could do brain surgery on them without anesthesia.

The women cleaned the kitchen.

We got screamed at by Mom or Nonna, and half of the sentences were English, the other half Italian.

Italian mothers never threw a baseball in their life, but could nail you in the head with a shoe thrown from the kitchen while you were in the living room.

Other things particular to Italians...

The prom dress that Zia Ceserina made you cost only $20.00, which was for the material.

The prom hairdo was done free by Cousin Angela.

Turning around at the prom to see your entire family, including your Godparents, standing in the back of the gym...PRICELESS!


True Italians will love this. Those of you who are married to Italians will understand this. And those who wish they were Italian, and those who arefriends with Italians, will remember with a smile. Then they'll forward this to their Italian friends with love or a reasonable facsimile.




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Post by Cinderella Wed 23 Nov 2011, 21:17

pattygirl wrote:

KIDS IN CHURCH

After the christening of his baby brother in church,
Jason sobbed all the way home in the back seat of the car.
His father asked him three times what was wrong.
Finally, the boy replied,
'That preacher said he wanted us brought up in a Christian home,
and I wanted to stay with you guys.'

This is my favorite! lol!

Peace, Love and Happiness to you too, Patty! Group Drink 2 Wheee! Cheerleader Hug1
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Post by pattygirl Wed 23 Nov 2011, 21:19

Now it's the Irish.

Paddy spies a letter lying on his doormat.

It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".

Paddy spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick the Bloody thing up.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --

Paddy shouts frantically into the phone "My wife is pregnant and her Contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.

"No", shouts Paddy, "this is her husband!"

- ----------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ---


Paddy was driving home, drunk as a skunk, suddenly he has to swerve to avoid a tree, then another, then another.

A cop car pulls him over as he veers about all over the road.

Paddy tells the cop about all the trees in the road.

Cop says "For Gods sake Paddy, that's your air freshener swinging About!"

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

An old Irish farmer's dog goes missing and he's inconsolable.

His wife says "Why don't you put an advert in the paper?"

He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.

"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.

"Here Boy." he replies.

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

Paddy's in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his Fee t.

"What the hell you doing?" he asks.

"Hanging me self!" Paddy replies.

"It should be around your neck" says the Guard.

"I tried dat" says Paddy "but I couldn't breathe".

------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----

An American tourist asks an Irish dive master: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"

Irishman replies: "If they fell forwards, they'd still be in the boat."

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Post by pattygirl Wed 23 Nov 2011, 21:22

Didn't want to leave anyone out!

Eurozone Economics

Some years ago, a small rural town in Spain twinned with a similar town in Greece. The mayor of the Greek town visited the Spanish town. When he saw the palatial mansion belonging to the Spanish mayor, he wondered how he could afford such a house.

The Spaniard said, "You see that bridge over there? The EU gave us a grant to build a two-lane bridge, but by building a single-lane bridge with traffic lights at either end, this house could be built."

The following year, the Spaniard visited the Greek town. He was simply amazed at the Greek mayor's house... gold taps, marble floors, it was marvelous. When he asked how this could be afforded, the Greek said, "You see that bridge over there?"

The Spaniard replied, "No."

WTF?

If "Winning the Future," or WTF for short, is the best that the White House sloganeers are capable of coming up with to motivate the masses, one has to wonder, WTF?

Understanding politics and the economy can be accomplished by starting with two cows.

COMMUNISM
You have two cows.
The state takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have two cows.
The state takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have two cows.
The state takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have two cows.
The state takes both, shoots one, milks the other and then throws the milk away.

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.



ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.



A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called "Cowkimon" and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5,000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No one believes you, so they bomb the crap out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go to the pub for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.



A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You borrow against the cows from the Germans.
You kill the cows and make souvlaki.
You can't pay the interest, so the Germans lend you more money.
You can't pay the interest, so the French lend you more money.
You can't pay the interest, so the Italians lend you more money.
You can't pay the interest, so the Spaniards lend you more money.
You can't pay the interest, so your people hold a general strike.
You can't pay the interest, so the EU bails you out.
You drink more ouzo.
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Post by pattygirl Wed 23 Nov 2011, 21:24

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, 'Dad, what is the
> > difference between potentially and realistically?'
> >
> > The father thought for a moment, then answered, 'Go ask your
> > mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars.
> >
> >
> > Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a
> > Million dollars, and then ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a
> > million dollars.
> >
> > Come back and tell me what you learn from that.'
> >
> > So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with
> > Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'
> >
> >
> > The mother replied, 'Of course I would! We could really use that
> > money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!'
> >
> > The boy then went to his sister and asked, 'Would you sleep with
> > Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'
> >
> >
> > The girl replied, 'Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt I would sleep with
> > him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?'
> >
> > The boy then went to his brother and asked, 'Would you sleep with
> > Brad Pitt for a million dollars?'
> >
> > 'Of course,' the brother replied. 'Do you know what a million
> > Bucks would buy?'
> >
> >
> > The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to
> > his dad.
> >
> >
> > His father asked him, 'Did you find out the difference between
> > 'potentially' and 'realistically'?'
> >
> > The boy replied, 'Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on
> > Three million dollars .
> >
> > But 'realistically', we're just living with two hookers and a
> > queer.
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Post by sadDonkey Wed 23 Nov 2011, 21:44

@pattygirl
LOL. Thank you for the Eurozone Economics.
Now everything is clear. Why can't the politicians explain like that.
lol!

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Post by it's me Wed 23 Nov 2011, 22:36

the E ye- Talian is terrific
something is sooooo real!!!
it's me
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Post by it's me Wed 23 Nov 2011, 22:43

Irish
are they really so..... DUMB?
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Post by Cinderella Wed 23 Nov 2011, 23:24

Maybe... but they can kick your bum... lol! Drink
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Post by melbert Thu 24 Nov 2011, 05:59

MGK, I am so sorry to hear about your mother. May you find the strength as a family to overcome this. We are all here for you and for those that believe in the power of prayer, we will send our prayers your way.


And PattyGirl! What can I say? You left NO ONE untouched! Brava!!!!
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Post by it's me Thu 24 Nov 2011, 13:03

http://www.repubblica.it/sport/2011/11/24/foto/football_cheerleaders_spogliatoi_campo-25508036/1/?ref=HRESS-8
it's me
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Post by Joanna Thu 24 Nov 2011, 14:14

WOW....those girls are so fit to do that !
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Post by Pari Thu 24 Nov 2011, 14:22

It felt so beautiful and warm to read all the good wishes reaching out to your Mother MyGirlKylie... I pray for you all... especially for your Mother, that she builds on her hope so she can fight strong in her spirit... NOTHING is impossible by HIM Who MAKES ALL things POSSIBLE!!! Wishing her a wondrous miraculous healing...
Love to you all... Hug1


Last edited by Pari on Thu 24 Nov 2011, 15:00; edited 1 time in total
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Post by Pari Thu 24 Nov 2011, 14:23

Welcome back Katie!!! YAY!!! cheers
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Post by Dior Thu 24 Nov 2011, 19:31

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you.
flower
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Post by MyGirlKylie Thu 24 Nov 2011, 23:10

Thank you all for the comments about my mom. We are in shock of course but trying to stay positive for my daughter's sake. We're not telling her until after we meet with the surgeon and know more about the type and stage.

Hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving and gobbled till you wobbled. LoL
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Post by Katiedot Fri 25 Nov 2011, 04:19

cindigirl wrote:I have a suggestion - let's invite George to a party and show him how real women would treat him. LOL.
Done! Now, who's going to host?
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Post by melbert Fri 25 Nov 2011, 14:19

I'm not a very good host, but I'll be there with rings on my fingers and bells on my toes and a bone in my nose!!!

A very funny video where I stole my line from:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tYn_6NjcopY

*It is not my intention to be disrespectful, so I hope this does not offend anybody. It is just entertainment.


Last edited by melbert on Fri 25 Nov 2011, 17:40; edited 1 time in total
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Post by Katiedot Fri 25 Nov 2011, 16:19

Um, riiiiight. Er, anyone other offers to host our first anniversary party? Anyone?
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Post by cindigirl Fri 25 Nov 2011, 21:14

We just came back from seeing The Descendents and all I can say is WOW. There was a lot of laughter and at the end of the movie I heard a lot of sniffles coming from the theater seats. And, yes George did cry at the end of the movie. I saw definite tears coming from his eyes. He's an excellent actor.
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Post by cindigirl Fri 25 Nov 2011, 21:58

Hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving. I spent the holiday with my family and went to a football game, then dinner. It was nice to get together with the parents. I spent the night and this morning I got up and let their 14 week old puppy out to the backyard. When puppy came back in she promptly peed on the wood floor. I felt responsible and I cleaned it up JUST in time before my daughter come downstairs looking like a prison guard scanning the floors, she said "DID YOU LET HER OUT?" I said yes, I wasn't lying. LOL
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Post by it's me Fri 25 Nov 2011, 22:55

cindigirl wrote:We just came back from seeing The Descendents and all I can say is WOW. There was a lot of laughter and at the end of the movie I heard a lot of sniffles coming from the theater seats. And, yes George did cry at the end of the movie. I saw definite tears coming from his eyes. He's an excellent actor.

thanks for the
spoiler
Cindi
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Post by cindigirl Fri 25 Nov 2011, 23:20

@it's me - I didn't say WHY he was crying. The movie has a lot of surprises. Besides, at one of the interviews It mentions that he cries. So, not a spoiler.
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Post by davidarochelle Sat 26 Nov 2011, 02:59

God has a sense of humor after all!

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!"
"What's the problem, Eve?"
"Lord, I know you created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals and that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy."
"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.
"Lord, I am lonely and I'm sick to death of these apples."
"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."
"What's a man, Lord?"
"This man will be a flawed creature with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat and be vain; all in all, he'll give you a hard time, but he'll be bigger, faster and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly when he's aroused, but since you've been complaining, I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. He will be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he'll also need your advice to think properly."
"Sounds great." says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. "What's the catch, Lord?"
"Well, you can have him on one condition."
"What's that, Lord?"
"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant and self-admiring, so you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. Just remember, it's our little secret..."

"You know, woman to woman."
























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Post by Guest Sat 26 Nov 2011, 03:04

Ha ha, good one, Davida!

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Post by lucy Sat 26 Nov 2011, 03:19

Happy belated Thanksgiving/black Friday to all. Cindigirl puppies are fun, it's good you didn't lie to your daughter, as far as telling her the honest truth, think of all the times she left out details while living with you. Hope you enjoyed the day even with the ex.
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Post by lucy Sat 26 Nov 2011, 03:34

MGK, haven't been around for a few days, so sorry to hear about your mom, wish you and your family the best.
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Post by it's me Sat 26 Nov 2011, 06:08

finally the truth
Davida! Very Happy
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Post by pattygirl Sat 26 Nov 2011, 21:21

WHY MEN ARE NEVER DEPRESSED:

Men Are Just Happier People --

What do you expect from such simple creatures?

Your last name stays put.

The garage is all yours.

Wedding plans take care of themselves.

Chocolate is just another snack...

You can be President.

You can never be pregnant.

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

The world is your urinal.

You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.

You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.

Wrinkles add character.

Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.

People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.

New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.

You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.

You can open all your own jars.

You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

If someone forgets to invite you,

He or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.

Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..

You almost never have strap problems in public.

You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..

Everything on your face stays its original color.

The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.

You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.

One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives

On December 24 in 25 minutes.

___________________________________

Men Are Just Happier People

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and WWWildman




EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.




MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.




BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.




ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.




FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.







MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man
marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.



DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.




NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.




OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.







THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!







SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and who can handle it .... and to the men who will enjoy reading it.

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Post by it's me Sat 26 Nov 2011, 21:38

You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.

You can wear NO shirt to a water park.

You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.

You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.


Everything on your face stays its original color.



those are the best
IMO

thanks


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Post by Dexterdidit Sat 26 Nov 2011, 23:56

LOL Thanks for all the jokes they gave me a good laugh. Loved the one about the kids and religion and of course God being a woman. Makes sense too me. LOL I actually dated a guy called Paddy and he was very similar to that Paddy!
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Post by melbert Sun 27 Nov 2011, 01:04

Thanks PattyGirl for the giggles!!!! cheers lol! Give Flowers2
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Post by pattygirl Mon 28 Nov 2011, 22:38

Places I have and have not been!

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in Cahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my friends, family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit there too often.

I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to stand firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

And, sometimes I think I am in Vincible but life shows me I am not!

I have been in Deepshit many times; the older I get, the easier it is to get there.

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