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General Chitchat for November

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General Chitchat for November

Post by pattygirl on Tue Nov 01 2011, 13:52

Hope everybody had a wonderfully scary Halloween.
Let's start of Nov. with a joke to which I hope no one takes offense because no offense is intended(especially to my friends in India.)

The Dot

FINALLY, SOMEONE HAS CLEARED THIS UP.

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with tradition or religion, but the Indian embassy in Ottawa has recently revealed the true story.

When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won a convenience store, a gas station, a donut shop, a taxi cab, or a motel in the United States .

If nothing is there, he must remain in India to answer telephones and provide us with Verizon technical advice.






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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by pattygirl on Tue Nov 01 2011, 13:53

Observations on Growing Older
~Your kids are becoming you...and you don't like them.... but your grandchildren are perfect!
~Going out is good.. Coming home is better!
~When people say you look "Great"... then they add "for your age!"
~When you needed the discount you paid full price... Now you get discounts on everything -movies, hotels, flights.
~You forget names ... but it's OK because other people forgot they even knew you!!!
~The 5 pounds you wanted to lose is now 15 and you have a better chance of losing your keys than the 15 pounds.
~You realize you're never going to be really good at anything ... especially golf.
~Your husband is counting on you to remember things you don't remember. ~The things you cared to do, you don't care to do, but you care that you don't care to do them anymore.
~Your husband sleeps better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than he does in bed. It's called his "pre-sleep".
~You used to say, "I hope my kids GET married ... Now, "I hope they STAY married!"
~You miss the days when everything worked with just an "ON" and "OFF" switch.
~When GOOGLE, ipod, email, modem ... were unheard of and a mouse was something that made you climb on a table.
~Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it anywhere.
~Your husband has a night out with the guys but he's home by 9:00 P.M ... next week it will be 8:30 P.M.
~You read 100 pages into a book before you realize you've read it before.
~What used to be freckles are now liver spots.
~Everybody whispers.
~Now that your husband has retired ... you'd give anything if he'd find a job! ~You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet.... 2 of which you will never wear.
~~~~But old is good in some things: old songs - old movies - And best of all OLD FRIENDS!!


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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by pattygirl on Tue Nov 01 2011, 13:58

This is entitled "COSTCO" Have always loved this store! (For those who do not live in the US, Costco is a warehouse store where you can buy things in bulk.

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike, "My elbow
> > hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."
> >
> > "Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies.
> >
> > "There's a diagnostic computer down at Costco. Just give it a urine
> > sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.
> > It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars - A lot cheaper than a doctor."
> >
> > So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Costco.
> >
> > He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the urine
> > sample...
> >
> > He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
> > Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
> >
> > "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy
> > activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Costco.."
> >
> > That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe
> > began wondering if the computer could be fooled.
> >
> > He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from
> > his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample from himself for good measure.
> >
> > Joe hurries back to Costco, eager to check the results.. He deposits ten
> > dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results .
> >
> > The computer prints the following:
> > 1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9)
> > 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)
> > 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
> > 4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins.. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
> > 5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get
> > better!
> >
> > Thank you for shopping @ Costco!
> >
> >
> >

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by it's me on Tue Nov 01 2011, 14:31

LOL
thanks for the laughs! Laughing

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by cindigirl on Tue Nov 01 2011, 14:31

Thanks patty, Hahaha Thumbs up!

That reminds me of th airport joke: If you can't afford to go to the doctor, go to the airport, you can get a free breast exam, free x-ray and, if you mention AlQuida you can get a free colonoscopy. LOL

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by it's me on Tue Nov 01 2011, 14:32

lol!

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by melbert on Wed Nov 02 2011, 01:47

PattyGirl - you got me spitting coffee, laughing so hard I'm crying, and I think I peed myself!!!

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by lolo"layla" on Wed Nov 02 2011, 02:01

PattyGirl LOL 10 out of 10

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by pattygirl on Wed Nov 02 2011, 02:34

Glad I could make you laugh. Too bad I'm not clever enough to create some of this stuff myself. Thank goodness, I have entertaining friends.

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by MyGirlKylie on Wed Nov 02 2011, 13:11

Lmao @ the jokes, Patty!

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by Cinderella on Wed Nov 02 2011, 14:26

My kitten was hit by a car. I'm very sad. I needed to share this with you.

Ode To My Little One

Oh how I wish you were talking to me,
purring and bringing me cheer.

This is the hardest time of day,
knowing that you’re not here.

I found you when you were all alone,
just know that you were a gem!

You knew God made leaves just for you,
Carrying them around by the stem.

I watched you play in the morning light,
until the stars came out at night.

You looked so cute, I hope you know,
that this is very hard.

I know one day we’ll meet again
in the kingdoms bigger yard.

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by cindigirl on Wed Nov 02 2011, 14:34

Oh Cindy, I'm so sorry to hear about your kitten. Losing a pet is like losing a family member, especially when it's so unexpected and at such a young age. At times it can be more difficult because pets are so dependent on you. Be assured though because your kitten is resting in peace now.

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by sadDonkey on Wed Nov 02 2011, 14:58

Oh Cinderella
I am so sorry that your kitten died
My deepest sympathy Sad

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by Cinderella on Wed Nov 02 2011, 15:31

Thanks.

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by sandwiches on Wed Nov 02 2011, 15:40

Sad I'm so very sorry Cinder! It's so hard to say goodbye to a pet. My condolences.

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by MM on Wed Nov 02 2011, 15:42

Sorry about your kitten, Cinderella. I'll bet he was your little buddy. cat

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by MyGirlKylie on Wed Nov 02 2011, 16:32

I'm so sorry to hear about your kitten, Cinderella. Crying or Very sad

{{{hugs}}}

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by Cinderella on Wed Nov 02 2011, 16:54

Thanks again. This is him...

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by blubelle on Wed Nov 02 2011, 21:47

What a sweet cat. So sorry.

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by it's me on Wed Nov 02 2011, 21:56

hi
little big eyed baby I love you

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by MyGirlKylie on Wed Nov 02 2011, 22:26

What a cutie pie. Poor baby and poor momma. Crying or Very sad


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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by MyGirlKylie on Wed Nov 02 2011, 22:35

Oh btw, I saw Nina's twin while out trick or treating with the kiddos Monday night. As we were walking around our friends' neighborhood, a silver car passed us and the lady waved and she looked just like Nina, short hair do and all. The man who was driving definitely wasn't Nick though. lol

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by dakota007 on Wed Nov 02 2011, 22:37

so sorry to hear that C!! ah he is so cute..hope you feel better sweeti Crying or Very sad

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by Cinderella on Wed Nov 02 2011, 23:24

Thank you!

Wow, MyGirlKylie... that would freak me out!

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by lolo"layla" on Thu Nov 03 2011, 01:06

i don't like cats but your was really cute one ,sorry for your lost cinder it's hard to be used on separation from ones u love my heart with u .

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by Cinderella on Thu Nov 03 2011, 15:36

Thank you, Lolo. I think I'm coming out of the terrible blues. Yesterday it felt like my head was unattached, in a way. Do you know what I mean. Today, my heads back on but I still miss him so much!

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by cindigirl on Thu Nov 03 2011, 15:41

It gets better Cindy. Time is a great healer. My daughter had to put her 6 year old Beagle down 2 weeks ago and our family grieved. They eased their heartache somewhat by getting a new puppy. Have you considered getting a new kitten? An animal baby has the power to ease your sorrow. IMO

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by lolo"layla" on Thu Nov 03 2011, 18:24

yeah get another kitty cinder that would help you!

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by Cinderella on Thu Nov 03 2011, 18:54

No, the pain was too difficult! I'll go kitten-less for a while. But thanks for the suggestion!

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by lucy on Thu Nov 03 2011, 21:02

So sorry cinderella for the loss of your beloved cat, everytime one of mine has died, it's been old age or illness, it's never easy but if you have to watch them day after day in pain putting an end to the pain is better IMO. Take time to grieve and to relive the good memories and in time you'll be ready for another kitten to share new memories with.

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by Katiedot on Fri Nov 04 2011, 08:10

I'm so sorry about your kitten Cinders. It's amazing how deeply our pets touch our hearts. Big hugs to you from this side of the world.

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by Pari on Fri Nov 04 2011, 08:29

Oh that feels sad... Goodness, and such a cutie pie!!! So sorry to hear of your darling kitten Cinderella... Warm hugs to you my dear...

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by sadDonkey on Fri Nov 04 2011, 23:22



Time difference sucks. Good night everybody

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by cindigirl on Sat Nov 05 2011, 14:17

In case anybody hasn't heard, Andy Rooney died last night. He was 92 years old. There'll never be another like him.

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by it's me on Sat Nov 05 2011, 14:46

R.I.P.

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by it's me on Sat Nov 05 2011, 16:32

look


http://frenchiesfans.canalblog.com/archives/2011/11/04/22572938.html

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by cindigirl on Sat Nov 05 2011, 16:44

Thanks it's me for the article. I especially liked the "10 questions" Times video. Hadn't seen that before.

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by it's me on Sat Nov 05 2011, 17:07

prego
Cindi Smile

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by pattygirl on Sun Nov 06 2011, 00:28

Morning Coffee in Rome
>
> Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square.
>
> The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."
>
> The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."
>
> The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'."
>
> The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room, people call him 'Your Holiness'."
>
> Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men gave her a subtle, "Well....?"
>
> She proudly replies, "I have a daughter,
> SLIM, TALL, 38D BREAST
> 24" WAIST and 36" HIPS
>
> When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God."

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by cindigirl on Sun Nov 06 2011, 00:32

Patty, your joke cracked me up, gave me the last laugh of the day. RFOL.

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by it's me on Sun Nov 06 2011, 00:39

LOLLLL

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by lucy on Sun Nov 06 2011, 00:39

OHHHHH, that was funny PG, my mother in law is Catholic I'm gonna print this out and see if it will translate well into Spanish, I love to make her laugh and I'm probably the only daughter in law who could get away with telling her this joke.

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by lolo"layla" on Sun Nov 06 2011, 02:48

that's so funny and smart too!

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by cindigirl on Sun Nov 06 2011, 18:18

Slow news day today so here's a fishing joke -

One afternoon, the husband returns the boat to their lakeside
cottage after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap.

Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out.
She motors out a short distance, anchors, puts her feet up,
and begins to read her book.
The peace and solitude are magnificent.

Along comes a Fish and Game Warden in his boat.
He pulls up alongside the woman and says, 'Good Afternoon, Ma'am..
What are you doing?'
You're in a Restricted Fishing Area,' he informs her.
'I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading.'
Yes, but I see you have all the equipment.
For all I know you could start at any moment.
I'll have to take you in and write you up.'
'If you do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual assault,'
says the woman.

But I haven't even touched you,' says the Game Warden.
That's true, but you have all the equipment..
For all I know you could start at any moment.'

'Have a nice day ma'am,' and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads.
It's likely she can also think.



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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by it's me on Sun Nov 06 2011, 18:35

she can also think


thanks study

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by lucy on Sun Nov 06 2011, 20:42

Like that one cindigirl thanks.

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by MyGirlKylie on Mon Nov 07 2011, 17:46

Lmao, loved that one Cindigirl!

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by cindigirl on Mon Nov 07 2011, 21:32

Awesome tape, Koko the sign language gorilla and American actor Robin Williams. Found this on my son's Facebook page.

http://www.wimp.com/ticklefight/

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by it's me on Mon Nov 07 2011, 23:01

bellissimo
he was moved





thanks I love you

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Re: General Chitchat for November

Post by melbert on Tue Nov 08 2011, 01:03

I was crying and giggling at the same time. How special!!!!

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Re: General Chitchat for November

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