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General Chitchat for September.

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Re: General Chitchat for September.

Post by MyGirlKylie on Fri Sep 30 2011, 12:28

Another funny:

** 19 Adult Truths ***
1. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
6. Was learning cursive really necessary?
7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
10. Bad decisions make good stories.
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
13. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
14. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with tequila than Kay.
15. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
16. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
17. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
18. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
19. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

MyGirlKylie
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Re: General Chitchat for September.

Post by pattygirl on Fri Sep 30 2011, 14:15

Boy, MGK, you got an early start today on the funnies. So many of them were accompanied with a nod of the head and an uhuh! I really wish I knew how many times, I've thought, said or wished some of these things. #2 is my favorite. #5 is a bitch, been trying for years. Finally got the hang of folding the old fitteds and then they come out with fitted sheets with elastic all around the hem. Now no matter how I try, there's always this blob hanging down in the middle. Damn sh*t. Solution - wash sheet, put back on bed.

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Re: General Chitchat for September.

Post by cindigirl on Fri Sep 30 2011, 14:36

Love your jokes MyGirl.

Haha - #5 folding a fitted sheet. I've been trying for years to figure out this concept. Have a friend who says to lay it on the bed and then fold layer by layer. Tried it once, gave up and balled the damn thing together and hid it under the straight sheet. Hey, who's the smart one now?

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Re: General Chitchat for September.

Post by MyGirlKylie on Fri Sep 30 2011, 15:04

Lol, it's like folding a shower cap. I do what you guys do, either wad it up and put it under the flat one or just put it straight back on the bed.

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Re: General Chitchat for September.

Post by davidarochelle on Fri Sep 30 2011, 18:11

I have been getting so much negativity from the other section that I thought I would show my entertaining side instead. Davida-Rochelle
Potatoes


undefined
Well,
A Girl Potato and Boy Potato had eyes for each other,
and finally they got married, and had a little sweet potato, which they called 'Yam'.

Of course, they wanted the best for Yam. When it was time, they told her about the facts of life. They warned her about going out and getting half-baked, so she wouldn't get accidentally mashed, and get a bad name for herself like 'Hot Potato,' and end up with a bunch of Tater Tots. Yam said not to worry, no Spud would get her into the sack and make a rotten potato out of her!


But on the other hand she wouldn't stay home
and become a Couch Potato either.
She would get plenty of exercise so as not
to be skinny like her Shoestring Cousins. When she went off to Europe, Mr. And Mrs. Potato told Yam to watch out for the hard-boiled guys from Ireland .
And the
greasy guys from France called the French Fries.
And when she went out West, to watch out
for the Indians so she wouldn't get scalloped. Yam said she would stay on the straight and
narrow and wouldn't associate with
those high class Yukon Golds, or the ones
from the other side of the tracks
who advertise their trade on all
the trucks that say,
'Frito Lay.'

Mr. And Mrs. Potato sent Yam to
Idaho P.U. (that's Potato University ).
So that when she graduated she'd really
be in the Chips.

But in spite of all they did for
her, one-day Yam came home
and announced she was
going to marry Tom Brokaw.

Tom Brokaw!

Mr.. and Mrs.
Potato were very upset.

They
told
Yam she couldn't
possibly
marry
Tom Brokaw
Because he's just.......

Are you
ready for this?
Are
you sure?

*

*

OK!
Here it is!

*

*
*


*

A
COMMONTATER

NOW AREN'T YOU SORRY I HAVE YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS????










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Re: General Chitchat for September.

Post by pattygirl on Fri Sep 30 2011, 18:26

Cute one Davida!

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Re: General Chitchat for September.

Post by Katiedot on Fri Sep 30 2011, 18:26

Groan!

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Re: General Chitchat for September.

Post by sandwiches on Fri Sep 30 2011, 21:22

I love puns!!!!

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Re: General Chitchat for September.

Post by it's me on Fri Sep 30 2011, 21:37

COMMONTATER?

help, I'm Italian
can't understand!

it's me
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Re: General Chitchat for September.

Post by pattygirl on Fri Sep 30 2011, 22:03

Tom Brokaw is a TV commentator. He is very well known in this country and has had a remarkable career. The whole "joke" is a play on words and they didn't want daughter to marry Tom Brokaw because he is a common tater (potato). Did I help?

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Re: General Chitchat for September.

Post by it's me on Fri Sep 30 2011, 22:05

yes
a lot
thanks Patty

but
wasn't 'her' a potato too??? Bounce

it's me
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Re: General Chitchat for September.

Post by pattygirl on Fri Sep 30 2011, 22:12

Yes, she was. But her potato parents didn't think he was good enough for her.

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Re: General Chitchat for September.

Post by pattygirl on Sat Oct 01 2011, 01:10

My last joke for September:

Paddy McCoy, an elderly Irish farmer, received a letter from the Department of Work & Pensions, stating that they suspected he was not paying his employees the statutory minimum wage and they would send an inspector to interview them.

On the appointed day, the inspector turned up. "Tell me about your staff," he asked Paddy.

"Well," said Paddy, "there’s the farm hand, I pay him $240 a week, and he has a free cottage.

Then there’s the housekeeper. She gets $190 a week, along with free board and lodging.

There’s also the half-wit. He works like a donkey a 16 hour day, does 90% of the work, earns about $25 a week, along with a bottle of cheap whiskey and as a special treat occasionally gets to sleep with my wife."

"That’s disgraceful" said the inspector, "I need to interview the half-wit."

"That’ll be me then," said Paddy.


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Re: General Chitchat for September.

Post by Katiedot on Sat Oct 01 2011, 06:11

And here's an old joke to kick start October:

One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?" The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family.The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with sapphires.

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked.The seamstress replied, "No." The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a golden thimble studded with rubies.

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, "No." The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble.

"Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "Yes." The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.

Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying?'' "Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!"

The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney. "Is this your husband? The Lord asked.

"Yes," cried the seamstress.The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!" The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding.. You see, if I had said "no" to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt.

Then if I said "no" to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said "yes," you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said "yes" to George Clooney. And so the Lord let her keep him.

The moral of this story is:

Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others

That's our story, and we're sticking to it.

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Re: General Chitchat for September.

Post by MyGirlKylie on Sat Oct 01 2011, 12:43

LoL @ letting her keep George.

Good one Patty.

I'll go start an October thread for the chitchat.

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Re: General Chitchat for September.

Post by it's me on Sat Oct 01 2011, 13:03

Patty! your Paddy joke was terrific!! Laughing

the Katie one is old (to me) but nice too Wink

but

Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others

and wot about men? confused

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Re: General Chitchat for September.

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